If having a veritable principessa for a son wasn't perplexing enough, my award-winning essay for Mrs. Adler's class nearly did my parents in:
Why I wish I was Jewish by John P. Egan
There is probably still the outline of Ma's face in the kitchen linoleum after receiving Mrs. Adler's enervated phone call....*thud*
faux as in false, juif as in Jew. For you yutz & goyim out there.