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Some principles
I was running an errand tonight, hitting my local queer bookseller to get a copy of Hollinghurst’s Man Booker winning novel. I started the Swimming Pool Library some years ago, but found it too...ghey. Like Isherwoods stuff, and about half of Edmund White’s stuff. I don’t mean nelly, I mean precious. Affected. But this book is supposed to be quite different; allegations of a scene where the (gay) protagonist is off his face and dancing with Maggie «la chienne» Thatcher has rendered me intrigued. Securing a copy wasn’t easy; I hit 4 booksellers the other day: sold out. Bookshop promised to have more by Thursday, and they did.
While waddling from my bike to theelevator lift, I was bemused by how my spending habits have changed over the years. There was a time I wouldn’t have considered shelling out $30.00 for a book--but dropping $100 in the bar on Friday night seemed wholly reasonable. And that shift in priorities is the first notion I’ll list below: some of the principles that have made me a happier, better person.
Spend money supporting culture: If I have a couple less designer coffees a week, and eat home once more, I have more than enough money to buy books. New books. To support creativity, and bring joy and insight into my life (OK some books suck, it’s a gamble). I need to value the written word, and this is a quick and dirty way for me to do. I can always pass the books on to others (including libraries) if the issue of paper consumption is relevant.
Say hello to someone you don’t know every day: A simple smile and nod can be occasionally met with a glare (or wince), but most often the gesture is returned. I find it odd how some people will pass you every day at work (sometimes in the bloody ‘loo), but never make eye contact or say ‘hello’. I never have too muchcivility in my life. And when others have done it to me first--often on days when some aspect of life is grinding me down a bit--the impact is clear. In a good way.
Do something constuctive that someone else should have done: Ever notice a newspaper blowing down the road, or broken glass on asidewalk footpath? Why not clean/pick it up yourself (safely, not impulsively)? Doing things like that keep me focused on being a we rather than merely an I.
Say “no” if that’s the right answer: I sometimes find a colleague or friend is bristly or distant when we’re working on something collaboratively. Quite often they’ll admit--after the fact--that they really didn’t want to participate. I’ve done it too, though not nearly very frequently anymore. An unwilling person can be more a hindrance than a help. However . . .
Do something you really don’t want it, if asked by someone I love: A contradiction? Absolutely. But in this case, I do something I don’t want to for someone for whom I really want to tangibly demonstrate my love and support. For example, I won’t help paint--I’m lousy at it, and loathe it. But I will organize lunch, run errands, watch kids. I also don’t like helping folks move, but I know how hideous the process can be, so I try to do it anyway.
Use the best possible light: I used to be very cynical, and can still be very critical (OK crabby). But when I remind myself to presume people’s intentions are good, and that most people try to do the right thing most of the time, I’m more patient and forgiving.
C’est tout!
While waddling from my bike to the
Spend money supporting culture: If I have a couple less designer coffees a week, and eat home once more, I have more than enough money to buy books. New books. To support creativity, and bring joy and insight into my life (OK some books suck, it’s a gamble). I need to value the written word, and this is a quick and dirty way for me to do. I can always pass the books on to others (including libraries) if the issue of paper consumption is relevant.
Say hello to someone you don’t know every day: A simple smile and nod can be occasionally met with a glare (or wince), but most often the gesture is returned. I find it odd how some people will pass you every day at work (sometimes in the bloody ‘loo), but never make eye contact or say ‘hello’. I never have too muchcivility in my life. And when others have done it to me first--often on days when some aspect of life is grinding me down a bit--the impact is clear. In a good way.
Do something constuctive that someone else should have done: Ever notice a newspaper blowing down the road, or broken glass on a
Say “no” if that’s the right answer: I sometimes find a colleague or friend is bristly or distant when we’re working on something collaboratively. Quite often they’ll admit--after the fact--that they really didn’t want to participate. I’ve done it too, though not nearly very frequently anymore. An unwilling person can be more a hindrance than a help. However . . .
Do something you really don’t want it, if asked by someone I love: A contradiction? Absolutely. But in this case, I do something I don’t want to for someone for whom I really want to tangibly demonstrate my love and support. For example, I won’t help paint--I’m lousy at it, and loathe it. But I will organize lunch, run errands, watch kids. I also don’t like helping folks move, but I know how hideous the process can be, so I try to do it anyway.
Use the best possible light: I used to be very cynical, and can still be very critical (OK crabby). But when I remind myself to presume people’s intentions are good, and that most people try to do the right thing most of the time, I’m more patient and forgiving.
C’est tout!
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Thanks
Re: Thanks
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Sweet posting!
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THANKS!
Use the best possible light The hardest one of all...
When I was younger, I was faaaaar less cynical than I am now, and it included everything. Today the world is going to hell.. ecologically, and I've almost ceased caring. Ecologists get no where, but then even when I actively supported their cause(s) they seem to get no where. Ecology destroys business.
There is only a small glimmer of hope in my heart that Kerry will win. Four more years of Bush and his cronies will bring the USA further into the pit than it has ever gone before. The Xian right and Big Business/Mega conglomerates will govern, not the people.
I watch the kids today. There is no respect for anyone. They are truly the progeny of the *ME* generation, and so the ME FIRST will continue. There is no longer any sense of sacrifice. Old and infirm folks have to beat the kids with their canes to get a seat on public transport. Yesterday, there was a *old* woman standing next to me on the light rail. In front of us was 4 seater with 4 people all under the age of 25... not one of them offered the woman a seat. So II spoke up: Hey, this elderly lady could use a seat. The sign above you says "reserved for the elderly", everyone looked straight forward... ignoring my speech. I went to the driver of the train, and he ignored me. The Old lady looked at me and said: The sin isn't theirs, its their parents who never taught them respect. I nodded and shrugged in agreement. The world is a very diferent place than when I was a child... in soooo many ways.
Say “no” if that’s the right answer In today's society, saying "no" indicates not being a "team" player. Saying "no" might hurt a co workers feelings. We have taught a whole generation to be passive/aggressive. Somehow, managers are supposed to guess that an employee is unhappy with an assignment.
Bosses are supposed to read minds, or have instinctual knowledge of when someone is unhappy. After all, isn't the guy working above you a "seer"?
I have seen it in many different positions I have been in. I see it in the "volunteers" at Church. I see it in my co-workers. If they admit to not liking something, they are afraid of being see as obstructionist. Volunteers will "become busy" or tell others of their dissatisfaction, hoping it will get back to me. Of course maybe they see me as "unreachable". Maybe folks see bosses in general as unreachable. Bah... Humbug!
Say hello to someone you don’t know every day In San Francisco, if I look at another (supposedly) gay man, catch his eye and nod, it means: "Lay down right here I want to fuck you" It is never seen as anacknowledgment of "another bear". I have much better luck with the local street people. If I catch their eye and nod,at least *they* will say something back... and often as not its not: "Got some spare change?" If someone acknowledges me, they get acknowledgment in return. AND... if someone cruises me, they get a *Hi*, even if I am not interested. I believe in the Golden Rule...do unto others...
Not surprisingly, at 60 years old I am rather cynical, and I am tired. The governmental services suck. Homelessness and unemployment is running away, yet the streets are filthy. Where is the Job Corps? The government has billions for war, but nothng for domestic spending. Yes, Jawn, I pick up the loose paper, but I step over piles of Dog Crap left by the "Let someone else clean it up Yuppies/Guppies". At 70 when I might be able to afford retiring, will SSI be there? I make 12k/ annually and Kaiser Permanente wants $498/month to give me basic health insurance.
All the things you have written are great and ought make people think. I believe in my heart of hearts that you believe these things. I wonder... when you are my age... will you still care, or will you be slowly ossified as I find myself become....
Thank you for listening, and especially... thank you for making me think.
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Oh baby, teach me how to do this more consistently.
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Perhaps for you nurturing your creativity might be a way to keep it in the fore? Is there any greater good than beauty?
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Booker book
xxx T.
Re: Booker book
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"Sharing is caring..."
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"you pull for me, and I'll pull for you"
Do A Good Deed Daily