abri! abri!
Mar. 14th, 2005 05:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcIt’s been an eventful day. It’s not all been fun.
Today was impromptu family barbecue day. My brother Mike (whose new family nickname is apparently Cubby!) picked up some marinated steaks and staffed the grill. I picked up salad fixings, but my sister-in-law (though she’s really a sister) Theresa enlisted her daughters Casey, Caitlyn and Christina to make the salad. Theresa organized steaming a whack of broccoli in the microwave. The rest of us took turns visiting Ma, teasing and taunting one another, and generally being Egans. It was fun. And nearly everyone was there:
Only the family members in parentheses--my brother-in-law Marty, my nieces![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stoplabelingme and Jessie, and my husband querrelle couldn’t make it.
As things wound down, the matter of Ma’s living will and health proxy had to be attended to. Da had run it by each of us again, and there was a consensus of what Ma’s wishes had been before this episode. Theresa (who’s a nurse) pointed out some of the vagueries in its current form. If Ma wanted more specifics added, that’s fine, but I couldn’t sign it unless she did.
And all of a sudden all the grief I’ve been carrying around just poured out of me. I couldn’t stop crying, and then sobbing, for the better part of an hour. In fact, I was so upset I couldn’t go with Tom and Da to ask Ma about Theresa’s suggestions. Ma rejected them, but signed the proxy. It.Is.Done. There will be no more vents, and probably no hospital. I was bereft....and still am.
But the next thing to sort out is palliative care. If Ma had cancer or heart disease we could ensure that she gets adequate pain meds. With COPD/emphysema, it’s more complicated: pain meds suppress respiration, and what she’ll experience in the end (if conscious) won’t be pain so much as distress--she won’t be able to catch her breath. I cannot bear the thought of her going through that anxious and panicked: we’ll need to get some benzos or sleep tablets or something here, so her last hours are a nightmare. For her, and for Da.
I’m here for another few days, until Thursday. I’m hopeful we can sort out these issues to some extent before I go. Well, I’ll do my damndest
Today was impromptu family barbecue day. My brother Mike (whose new family nickname is apparently Cubby!) picked up some marinated steaks and staffed the grill. I picked up salad fixings, but my sister-in-law (though she’s really a sister) Theresa enlisted her daughters Casey, Caitlyn and Christina to make the salad. Theresa organized steaming a whack of broccoli in the microwave. The rest of us took turns visiting Ma, teasing and taunting one another, and generally being Egans. It was fun. And nearly everyone was there:
| Ma [Patricia] & Da [Pádraic] |
|||
Kathleen & (Marty) |
Mike |
Tommy & Theresa |
John & (Max) |
Jen |
Caitlyn |
||
(Jackie) |
Casey |
||
(Jessie) |
Christina |
||
Marty |
|||
Katie |
|||
Richie |
|||
Grace |
|||
Only the family members in parentheses--my brother-in-law Marty, my nieces
stoplabelingme and Jessie, and my husband querrelle couldn’t make it.As things wound down, the matter of Ma’s living will and health proxy had to be attended to. Da had run it by each of us again, and there was a consensus of what Ma’s wishes had been before this episode. Theresa (who’s a nurse) pointed out some of the vagueries in its current form. If Ma wanted more specifics added, that’s fine, but I couldn’t sign it unless she did.
And all of a sudden all the grief I’ve been carrying around just poured out of me. I couldn’t stop crying, and then sobbing, for the better part of an hour. In fact, I was so upset I couldn’t go with Tom and Da to ask Ma about Theresa’s suggestions. Ma rejected them, but signed the proxy. It.Is.Done. There will be no more vents, and probably no hospital. I was bereft....and still am.
But the next thing to sort out is palliative care. If Ma had cancer or heart disease we could ensure that she gets adequate pain meds. With COPD/emphysema, it’s more complicated: pain meds suppress respiration, and what she’ll experience in the end (if conscious) won’t be pain so much as distress--she won’t be able to catch her breath. I cannot bear the thought of her going through that anxious and panicked: we’ll need to get some benzos or sleep tablets or something here, so her last hours are a nightmare. For her, and for Da.
I’m here for another few days, until Thursday. I’m hopeful we can sort out these issues to some extent before I go. Well, I’ll do my damndest
