Maudit Christ Estie Tabarnouche putain de merde

*shame spiral alert*

So, like, I’ve been, like driving since I was 17 years old. So like 23 years, almost.

I drove in NYC, I drove in Hongcouver, I drove all over da world. I mostly avoided driving on the left, until my recent move to Australia. Under my Canadian license I’ve been legally driving a 50cc (OK 49.6cc, you kows) scooter here in Sydney since January. Legally, on my BC license.

Yesterday I completed the “just-so-if-you-kill-yourself-we-can-say-we-tried-to-teach-you” intro bike course. On a 50cc scooter--because I already have a big one, I don’t worry about the size o’ my ride. Al I had to do was rock up, write a motorcycle knowledge test, pass an eye test, provide the various forms of ID, and get my learner’s license--so I can dust off the new 125cc scooter in the garage and gear up for my full scooter license.

Oh, and while I’m there I’ll transfer my Canadian car license to Australia--apparently not a choice, mandatory. Didn’t wanna, but put my “fook u” aside and booked both the general knowledge and motorcycle knowledge tests.

And failed the general knowledge test--but passed the motorcycle knowledge test. (I’m good enough, I’m hawt enough, and will somebody please lick me?)

So they were perplexed about what to do next. Eventually it was agreed I’d get the learner’s license, and I’d “come back tomorrow” and rewrite the driving test.

Yeah, of course I will.

sex même, courtesy of thornyc

1 At what age did your parents tell you about sex, if at all?
When I was 4 I asked Ma where babies came from. She gave me a wholly comprehensible explanation about conception, pregnancy and birth. She talked about love and marriage and the joy of giving life.

She omitted the part about inserting the penis into the vagina. Could that be why I’m gay?

2 At what age did you first witness a sexual act taking place?
Ma and Da had 4 kids, and I’m the youngest. Catholicism mandates that sex be procreative; Ma had an emergency hysterectomy whenI was born. Therefore they were forbidden to have sex again. However I did stumble in on my 2nd cousin Silé getting banged by her fat-arsed creepy boyfriend when I was 8 or 9. Stoopid fook couldn’t tell us kids apart and my brother Tommy copped it instead of me. Ha-ha!

3 What was the first book you read that gave you a hard on?
Treasure trails in the men’s undies section of the Sear’s Christmas Wishbook. I wish this man was straddling my face, though I don’t know why. . .

4 What was the first film you saw that gave you a hard on?
Slapstick, with Paul Newman, Michael Ontkean and the Henderson brothers. Hockey players, locker rooms, sex, my first French Canadian (gardez le but!).

5 Remember back when you were innocent (?) what shocked you most about sex?
it was so big It looked so violent. Eventually, when I was ready, it felt so hawt.

6 If you had to redesign humans to improve sex what would change?
The ability to kiss someone whilst they rimmed or sucked your cock (and vice versa)

7 On a percentage basis, from the number of times its offered how often do you refuse sex?
In a sauna, I wave a fair number of guys off. Not based on looks necessarily. I also ignore a fair number of messages I get on gaydar.

8 on a percentage basis how often is your offer of sex declined?
Oh not nearly as many . . .

9 Monogamy or enthusiastic fucking with different partners?
I’m a team player and a people person.

10 Straight men are supposed to have names for their dicks, have you ever wondered what you’d name yours? (if you don’t have a dick insert suitable genital)
Maureen McGovern. I really loved the theme to The Poseidon Adventure. And The Towering Inferno.