spiritual malaise - and a dénouement
Feb. 20th, 2003 10:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcAs a friend in Vancouver used to say, the last couple of days I was "coming down with a feeling." Meaning something was on my mind/spirit, but by the time I was clued in, I was already in the pit.
Not a pit of despair so much as pessimism. Not really linked to war mongering--that sort of thing preoccupies the front of my brain. Easy to manage that.
No this was more like ennui. My soul and life don't--make that didn't--match up. It's a yucky place to be. In years past my efforts to change the way I feel have included:
+drinking copious amounts of beer (never worked)
+ganja (never worked)
+shopping (worked until the bills came in)
+sex (worked as long as I didn't lower--make that eliminate--my standards)
+food (worked, works and will work)
Even when some such coping strategies (denial strategies) might work, the genuine answer is always the same: go within. The best ways for me to do that are to listen to music, meditate, or take a bath. Yesterday the shift back to presence occurred courtesy of a lovely film from Denmark showing at the Queer Film Fest, Shake it All About. It's about love, relationships, life, desire, meaning, complexity and simplicity. For me, it's over-arching message was one of purpose: existence has purpose, and the purpose is found in our relations to the world around us.
I went to the film feeling disconnected; I left feeling alive.
Woo hoo!
Not a pit of despair so much as pessimism. Not really linked to war mongering--that sort of thing preoccupies the front of my brain. Easy to manage that.
No this was more like ennui. My soul and life don't--make that didn't--match up. It's a yucky place to be. In years past my efforts to change the way I feel have included:
+drinking copious amounts of beer (never worked)
+ganja (never worked)
+shopping (worked until the bills came in)
+sex (worked as long as I didn't lower--make that eliminate--my standards)
+food (worked, works and will work)
Even when some such coping strategies (denial strategies) might work, the genuine answer is always the same: go within. The best ways for me to do that are to listen to music, meditate, or take a bath. Yesterday the shift back to presence occurred courtesy of a lovely film from Denmark showing at the Queer Film Fest, Shake it All About. It's about love, relationships, life, desire, meaning, complexity and simplicity. For me, it's over-arching message was one of purpose: existence has purpose, and the purpose is found in our relations to the world around us.
I went to the film feeling disconnected; I left feeling alive.
Woo hoo!
