jawnbc | The bonus round

Just over one year ago--01 May 2003--the following was in a posting I made (which is here in its entirety):

love life. Getting it, lots. Could use some romance, intimacy--haven't felt this sort of longing in years. But if I get into something/someone now, I'm leaving in August anyways: wanted, intense, short term relationship with lots of passion and fun and no expectations. Uh-huh, yeah, right.

That night I was supposed to have a shag date, but he'd cancelled due to icky dental work. We rescheduled for a few nights later: 05 May 2003 was arguably an even worse "bad hair" day for me, but I went on the shag as a means to not wholly be held hostage by my dark mood. The date went sort of OK; I alluded to it the next day (click here).

Truth be told, I was caught off guard by the connection between us. I felt both an ability to be confident and a desire to impress Max that first night. Maybe being in a foul mood brought my guard down, dunno. But it was clear to me that this was one special man, and we seemed to click. It was on our second evening (not really a date, very free form) that I knew we could have a profoundly good impact on each others lives. Lover? Friends? I wasn't sure, but the instinct was clear.

But having the potential doesn't mean it happens easily. I've had such feelings only a few times since my early 20s, and one of those amounted to nothing long-term (friends even) because the other guy was resolute about not acquiring any emotional entanglements (he was HIV and the cocktail wasn't working for him). I think he couldn't accept that I could love someone deeply and it not be about wanting them as a lover. I'm as passionate about everyone I love.

So I took nothing for granted with Max. I resolved to keep one toe on the ground, a hand on my heart and an ear to the universe. In our year we've been separated for months at a time, faced career challenges (both of us), and lived on a very tight budget. But even these things were but momentarily challenging: the payouts were abundant. Also immediately.

As of today, Mr. Shag Date (

querrelle) and I have been together for one year. And as of a few months ago, we've been engaged to be married! Details on the when for the nuptials yet to be worked out, but we will marry in Vancouver, hopefully this year.

We're both acutely aware of how blessed we are to have found each other. And to both be willing to nurture this, us, each of us. Passing some time in the universe like we have is an incredible gift. I'm not sure everyone gets this experience (where it's wholly mutual), hence the title of this entry. We're both blessed with pretty good health, have been educated well, have careers that are interesting and allow for a great standard of living, and we have good friends.

But I need to thank Max. Sweetheart, thank you for:
+making me feel totally desired and desirable
+making me laugh
+making me articulate both what I believe and why I believe it
+being nurturing and supportive
+supporting us financially through the dry periods
+never making me feel less a man because of it either

I love you, and I'm so excited about being your ~~wife~~partner!