hey you!

[jawnbc]

Have you found your voice?

Tell me about it . . .

Comments

voices

[whiskerfish.livejournal.com]

Moreso I have found voices.
Alter-egos that are separate and only have peripheral things in common.

On a more tangible level my voice as a writer, that I have been in touch with on and off over the years is really beginning to blossom, thanks a great deal to Tom B. and Jim L, two of my profs @ school. Tom brought out the producer and Jim the technician in me. Tom really got me to lay it out and be creative, Jim is leading me in the fine ART of WRITING. With these two tools at my disposal my voice can be heard by a much larger audience. I can be both voluminous and proficient where before I think I may have spewed, rambled and ranted (not that those are bad things).

Re: voices

[jawnbc]

Wow!

What are you studying, and where? Are your studies focused on communicating, or is communication a necessity of the discipline? And how has your personal voice (vis à vis non work/study related) shifted as a result?

Re: voices

[whiskerfish.livejournal.com]

I am studying Humanities with a focus on journalism.

Communication is central to these studies though a lot of my classmates seem moderately inept at it. (Not trying to sound mean or pompous I just see a lot of people seemingly calculating the: "least work for the best grade formula" a lot) When I do hear something really good out of one of them I mentally bookmark them for future fun and interaction. I have one particular favourite individual. She is smart, funny, gentle and kind - I actually let her in to my LJ world.

Due to my brain working in a way that it hasn't in a long time I find my perspective on everything to be altered. I am always looking at things in terms of how will the details of this look on the printed page - or - in what sequence and with what inflection will this be reiterated. It can be a little maddening sometimes but that is right on track with everything else in my life. The problem with great, exciting things happening is that there is the seemingly inevitable counterpoint waiting to spring up and bitecha in the ass.

[schillerium.livejournal.com]

*mumblemumble*

[jawnbc]

I don't believe that for a second, Mr. Man. C'mon, cough it up!

:)

[schillerium.livejournal.com]

No, really, these days that's about the best I can do. Certainly there are attempts (Livejournal, Wikipedia, bantering with friends, etc.), but any distinctive voice I once had (ie. this part of my history) has been so systematically beaten out of me over the last few years that it all now feels like tentative stabs in the dark. Tis an ongoing process, and it ain't over yet.

Depression: the metaphysical laryngitis.

[jawnbc]

Well I'm tempted to view this as you're resting your voice. Is it in your head (no not those voices, I have those too. Bastards), but you've not the energy or inclination to assert it?

And I think volume and frequency of speech cannot be conflated with quality . . .

[schillerium.livejournal.com]

And I tend to think of my head as a muddled morass out of which one couldn't hope to cobble together anything remotely resembling a coherent voice, but maybe that's just me...

*grin*

[f8n-begorra.livejournal.com]

In responding to your post, I find that the answer, sadly, is no. I found my voice as a young man; it no longer fits. Contemplation to be done!

[jawnbc]

Well it's there. Maybe we'll get you shouting while you're down here.

Is whiskerfish coming too? what are your dates? I saw Tom out last night, across a smoky bar. Strangely my ex the Dubliner (North side, natch) appeared out of nowhere--he lives in Hongcouver! A lovely surprise!

[f8n-begorra.livejournal.com]

Alas, whiskerfish is confined to base by US vacation practices. This must change! The rapidly declining dollar and the emerging red menace are encouraging me to cast my gaze overseas for future opportunity. And there's a PhD idea swirling around my head that needs first aid. One more week and all my Master's units are accomplished; I'll give myself a quick break and then start attending to new adventures.

[stingray1975.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm in the process of finding it (aren't we all to some extent?). I'm committed to taking a drawing course with the AGO starting in January. I'm stoked.

[jawnbc]

Fantastic! It's a never-ending process, eh? But I've found there's definately a pre-and post-voice finding dynamic. I like this side waaay better.

[stingray1975.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's a never-ending process. I've certainly found my voice in the past. However, it's been a while since it's been used in any significant manner, so it may be a tad hoarse. I'm curious: in what form is your voice best expressed? Writing (creative or otherwise), music or some other art form?

[jawnbc]

Well I first found my voice via...my voice. Activism priorizes the spoken word, especially if one can be both pointed and shrill ;)

But today it's writing, mostly academic. I enjoy finding meaning and making sense. I love being able to articulate what I think and feel, and give something to support those sorts of stances. But mostly I love being able to bring important, neglected issues into the mainstream.

But there's a novel brewing, though gawd knows when I'll be ever finding time to write it....

thanks for asking!

[beastbriskett.livejournal.com]

Umm--
What was I going to say again?

[jawnbc]

Uh . . .I dunno.

[jeneration.livejournal.com]

I had found my voice... then it broke, and I'm trying to find it again. Sounds weird now that it's all deep.

I found my voice in my first year of university (when I was 16). Being at university made me realise that not only was I a worthwhile person with worthwhile opinions, but that other people may actually be interested in hearing them.

It was a confidence thing, I think.

[jawnbc]

I think you're right. Wow you started uni @ 16? You clever fella!

[jeneration.livejournal.com]

Oh, it was part time, while I was doing year 12. The rather switched on school counsellor had worked out (after I was rather publically outed at school) that a queer type like me wasn't having great experiences at an all girls religious high school.

She got me into a uni extension program, and I happened to find the Student Union Queer Department more or less by accident... However, it was certainly a positive, life-changing and supportive thing, without which I probably wouldn't have finished school.

As for being only 16, well, I have a late birthday, and in Queensland we start school a year earlier than everywhere else. If I was born in January and lived in NSW, I would have been 18.

[progbear.livejournal.com]

I have several voices.

Make them stop talking to me!

[jawnbc]

Nah, pick the one that's gonna get you laid more. Or knows the best restaurants.

[progbear.livejournal.com]

Haven't heard that one yet.

Struggle Is My Middle Name

[ex-nashobabe711.livejournal.com]

Now here is a question prompting a book in response! I struggled to "find" my voice for many years. More a case of learning I cold speak out loud, and then learning the parameters of what, when, where, and how to speak publicly.

I struggled with internal restraints for a long time, and finally became angry, royally pissed off at the world enough (I found sobriety), to not just speak, but to shout, like Antigone, from every fucking roof top.

I am dealing with this much better nowadays. I am still looking for an institutional sugar daddy to support me while I pursue my writing dreams. My voice emerges through the written word. I also hope to express myself through the medium of digital film. After years of opining, if I could do it all over again, I;d become a video documentarian, I am visualizing myself "doing it all over" (another reason I have hopes for my application to a certain West Coast groovy palace).

Re: Struggle Is My Middle Name

[tim-e-bear.livejournal.com]

I found my voice. Unfortunately, progressive hearing loss means it falls in a range I cannot hear. :(

Re: Struggle Is My Middle Name

[ex-nashobabe711.livejournal.com]

Keep speaking ... and keep in mind *other* folks DO hear what you're saying. Just try shouting "Fire! Fire!" in the middle of an orgy if you would like a reality check!

How great to find you here! I am LJ "friending" you NOW!

Re: Struggle Is My Middle Name

[tim-e-bear.livejournal.com]

Goodness. Awake check - evidently not. Hello, Mr. Wright. *bear hug*

I think I was trying to be funny, though there are some days I think the Muse has abandoned me for some twink. However, it generally comes home, and I throw it in the shower to wash the Obsession off it... ;)

Re: Struggle Is My Middle Name

[ex-nashobabe711.livejournal.com]

I am glad to be following your posts, now!

Re: Struggle Is My Middle Name

[tim-e-bear.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you.

Re: Struggle Is My Middle Name

[jawnbc]

Wow, that really resonates with me. Making sound, refining, strategizing. yeah, totally.

Sometimes though, the shouting is so totally the right way to go. I love the knowledge of this more than the shouting (I used to get off on being loud. Not now).

Yay!

[alec9.livejournal.com]

It's a struggle to find/have a voice. I think I have a perspective which is uniquely mine and that I can voice (albeit shoddily - in my own estimation) from time to time. I think I started to find it when I refused to finish HS on my parents timetable, or go to an Ivy League College, and spent time as a blue-collar worker before going to college. But it takes more than railing against what you don't want to be to become yourself.

A lot of my paid work involves figuring out what somebody else wants my work to sound like, assimilating that and then finding parts of my voice seeping thru anyhow. But the confines of imitation and conformity to styles not my own can make it confusing for me - even as I "find" things worthy (through emulation and mask-trying) of incorporation into my mastery of self-voice.

I actually think of myself as a kind of amalgamation of inner-proto-self and experience, so getting "bent" by work is part of finding voice too, only that which I "grok" is what sticks anyhoo.

Although I don't comment often, I must say I find your consistent probing of life quite inspiring. You ask good questions.

[jawnbc]

Thanks Alec. Right back at ya!

There is that whole other set of questions here, eh? Where to voice, what about hybrid voices (compromised? stragetized?), authentic versus faux voices? Like you I've (internally at least) divorced my voice from my work, though I clearly try to bring something unique to my work. But academic stuff is largely not a single person's work ever: peer review, current fashions, and editorial input invariably come into play. And even often to improve the work.

See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Hear Me

[perkk.livejournal.com]

I remember voices I have had in the past - speaking to animals, children, nature, others very different from myself, topics, art, cooking, motion, touch, love, justice. I envy voices I see in other in which I feel I am lackluster - witty, fun, insightful, seemingly baggage-less. I sell short the voices I have, because too often of late I feel I only use them for work.

I find at times that at work learning to express my thoughts in the voices of others is a helpful skill, particularly when I think my voice may not be heard. Quoting policy, following process, etc... Sometimes it's creative to masquerade this way, giving my heart up to the play, but more lately it has become tiring. Honest & direct dialogs often involve each person speaking with their own voices and being heard as such, not everyone speaking a common voice which is usually devoid of passion, emotion, humor, connection, conviction or meaty meanings.

Then on the flip side, I have friends like fauxbear who seem to demand only my true voices, leaving no "down" time to relax. Always on doesn't always work. It becomes tiring in the opposite sense.

This week I got to dust off an old voice. It worked surprising well. I spoke to a college class about my experiences as a gay man. I have the gay voice with gay friends. I have the gay voice with co-workers. But the compassionate, willingness to speak of uncomfortable things to those who may be new to discussing them, that's not a frequent visitor to the stand up microphone of my life any more. Call that voice professional gay (as opposed to gay professional).

I hope to use LJ as a voice. A step outward for myself. I'm still not posting enough yet in my own journal, but the replying to others is good. At times I want to rant, but that's my line for myself right now - do no harm, and do not discuss work. Speaking often involves confidence. I'm such an odd an fluctuating mix of hardy contributor to observer. I value precision of language, so find that I often club myself for typos and minor grammar errors which are likely caused my a rush to get something out in writing faster than I can type.

Maybe it time I spoke with my legos again.

I bow to your comment whoring soliciting skills. You posted nine words, not even about sex, no cry for help, nor involving pictures and you're getting paragraphs back.

Re: See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Hear Me

[jawnbc]

I hear you. On all points, including the comment whoring :)

But your reply is the sort I dreamt of getting: to the bone honesty. And I thank you very much for that.

I find myself too often sitting in front of my LJ client thinking "say something important" or humourous. And nearly every time I trash the entry--usually the right decision, but who knows for sure?

All I got is what I got. And al I give here is maybe 5% of the full meal deal. I try to make it worth reading, if not always substantive.

But on the wrong day, with the wrong frame of mind, it can all seem like queer high school from hell: who's kewl, who's popular, am I not pretty enough? And really I don't need that kinda shite in my life.

And drama. Which reminds me that some of the most "popular" on here seem to stumble from drama to drama, and earn the kudos of their peers. Do I really want to be part of that "kewl krowd"? I hope not.

Kewl Krowds

[perkk.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down or insecure, yeah, I want to be one of them. They always seem carefree and liked. Having a dog solved some of this for me.

Yes, and this evening it says

[kosseferal.livejournal.com]

You are missed, Jawn.


I ws looking through old journal entries and your name popped up quite regularly. So I decided to come over and have a look at what you're up to, these days.
As for me, still doing Stonewall Center Speaker's Bureau, still homeschooling, all done getting parts re-arranged.
Come by and say hello some time, all right?

Re: Yes, and this evening it says

[jawnbc]

Hey! Lovely to hear from you! I came across your profile/info/story on various sites over the last several months--and sent you good thoughts each time. When you unfriended me, most of your posts were friends-only, so I stopped coming by. Though've never stopped liking you!

Glad to hear the "renos" are completed!