Some bizarre things that I've experienced

[jawnbc]

When I was 4 I nearly died from a nose bleed. My brother Tommy woke up for a pee, and noticed the puddle of blood.

When I was 8, my pal Michael Carmody and I found a dead body floating in the ocean. The lifeguards didn’t believe us until it washed up on shore. We never freaked out.

When I was 9 I wrote an essay “Why I want to be Jewish”. My (Jewish) teacher was so touched she rang Ma. Whom never said a word to me.

When I was 11, someone tried to seel me a handgun while I played pinball. I didn’t think much of it, until years later.

When I was 13 I discovered the proper way to masturbate. My inspiration was Chevy Chase reading “Weekend Update” on Saturday Night Live.

When I was 14, one of my pals killed his sister. With a hammer. The nail-pulling side. He was 13; she was 22 and about to be married. We hardly ever spoke about him again.

When I was 15 I snapped a the lower bar of a set of uneven bars, nearly snapping my neck. I was learning how to do a “penny-drop” dismount to help our inept PE teach teach the girls.

When I was 16 I missed the landing mat whilst pole vaulting, nearly snapping my neck. I repeated the exercise a year later, when it finally occurred to me to give up pole vaulting.

When I was 17 I routinely would have all sorts of sex with many, many men. But if they wanted to fuck me, I agitatedly declined, since that was gay. I wasn’t gay; I just had lots of sex with many, many men.

When I was 18 I was drunk at school at least once a week; sometimes as frequently as daily. No adult ever clued in, even as my grades plummeted (I was president of our branch of the National Honor Society, the Math League, the Academic League).

Comments

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

What is the proper way to masturbate? And what, I am even more surious to know, did you do before that?

[jawnbc]

I meant to orgasm. Before that I just diddled myself to the point of giggliness, not ba-boom!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

boy...you ain't right.

[jawnbc]

Em, I can neither confirm nor deny your supposition; you'll have to be after speaking to my solicitor.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

*giggles wildly*
It is nice to see you turned out so healthy despite nearly killing yer'self in gymnastics and having peculiar friends.

I try not to think about the weird things in my life.
How does one approach things like,

-One time I threatened my Father with a cleaver because he said he was about to hit me.

(I was so tempted to put that on my list of things I have done that most people haven't.)

-Being that I am of shanty Oirish stock I used to get into fist-fights when I was 12/13 years old and would often win so after awhile no one messed with me.

-I once tried to take my own life in my college library when I was 18.

- I slept with a wide assortment of men I really didn't know but I kept telling myself I wasn't slutty like some girls I knew.

We are all a bit funny at times.

-I nearly drowned as a child and have a horrible fear of the water yet I love sailing.

[jawnbc]

Wow. Do you still feel connected the girl/woman who experienced these things? Or does it have a (in some ways) dreamlike quality to it? Because mine are now mostly intellectual memories--I can't recall very much of the accompanying emotions.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Most tend to be more dream-like...Very far off and they are sort of faint memories. I know the sensation I felt at the time but the memories are more like watching wavy home-movies in my head or looking at still photographs.

[ex-earthmonk411.livejournal.com]

it's always interesting to see where the past leads us.

I tried to be gay, and failed

[quetzalcoatl.livejournal.com]

At puberty, around 13, I’d deduced by empirical experiment that I was gay, and was quite relaxed about it – I had a glamorous gay cousin who lived in Berlin with her opera singer girlfriend after all, so there was a precedent, and I proceeded accordingly, with local tradesmen and policemen.

But then, at 16, I fell head over hormones with Senorita X, a latin bombshell from Colombia. Despite a two year erection, I thought, this is just a passing phase, I’ll be back to men soon.

When it was over, I decided to go back to men, but only after one male bonk I fell into the arms of Leonie the photographer (I was 18, she was 21), and we screwed ourselves silly, in really interesting places, for 3 months. Before I had time to recover, I fell into a 5 year relationship with Mademoiselle Polska (she was a francophiliac Polish person).

After that, I decided to abandon ideological purity, and just learn how to be bi.

Re: I tried to be gay, and failed

[jawnbc]

I'm pleased you're ideological David. You're grand.

[minimac.livejournal.com]

Being drunk and smart at the same time...now that takes talent!

[jawnbc]

Thanks, but if most drunks weren't smart, they'd die much faster...

[rollerbabe.livejournal.com]

When I was 18 I was drunk at school at least once a week; sometimes as frequently as daily. No adult ever clued in, even as my grades plummeted (I was president of our branch of the National Honor Society, the Math League, the Academic League).

Every time this comes up I am shocked. How could no one notice? Or did they see, but not act? Which is even worse...

However, it seems you turned out very well in the end after all near death experiences =) It must be the masturbating :P