lundi

A puttery morning before heading off to an Aboriginal AIDS conference here in town. Afterwards ice skating lesson, then probably a Supermarket roast chicken for our dinner. Once a fortnight ain't too often, eh? Watch me tear the meat from its bones!

A great but full weekend. Friday night was our regular happy hour, made all the more interesting by some good heart-to-hearts we had during the week. I made tacos (rather than our normal going out for cheap-but-fab sushi), to maximize quality time. Saturday morning was nordic skiing in the clouds, cleaning the flat and being chief chop boy/bottle wash for a wee dinner party we hosted. 3 Rons, if you can imagine: Ron can you pass the... Hilarity ensued. Very late to bed....and very languid on Sunday as a result. In the arvo I had a meeting with the folks hosting today's conference, followed by a romp with Himself, followed by a quiet evening for me.

Oh, I forgot. There were 7 leftover new potatoes, which I used to make homefries. From which I'm still having bodygasms, even if they bloated me a bit. *fans self*

To date we know 11 of 42 songs for the Eurovision. After this coming weekend we'll know 3 more, including Eire. When RTÉ announced that Dervish (a well-regarded but not terribly well-known traditional band) were the internal selection I was a bit nervous. But with so many countries choosing--or seemingly inevitably choosing--either uptempo Swedish schlager or rock acts ('cause, you know, rockers in masks won last year...not like anyone wins the next year with the same frickin' thang)...depending on what song is chosen for Dervish.

But so far I think we'll either being in Denmark, Amsterdam or Warsaw. Though it's early days. This whole semi-final thing has made it a much bigger production, but also means the final actually almost always has close to 20 entertaining, professional performances. Unless of course your monitor fucks you up and you sing off key the entire time (UK 2003; Malta 2006)...

irrespective of nothing

It is a warmish, dare I say, spring night here in Vancouver. I've just had an ice skating lesson, which pushes me physcially as well as mentally. I cave easily when challenged physically: I become the fag who was taunted and teased and tortured in PE class and at recess. Last week merely getting through the class was success. This week I was in better form, but much of it still kicked my arse. Still, I left enervated, and pleased. When it's by choice and design it's good to be challenged.

Today was a full and marginally stressful day. I sat in on a research meeting where most of the team are Aboriginal: the project is to study the implications of homophobia in some Aboriginal persons with HIV/AIDS's lives. I'm mindful both of my position in the university (peon though I be, to the outside world I am ivory) and as a non-Indigenous person. Rarely circumspect I have to talk myself into actively contributing so as not to dominate. And to avoid being just another clueless white person unintentionally impeding what should a naturalistic--and community driven--enterprise. But it was all good.

I seem to be heading into a cycle of productivity, both in my personal life and my work. Opportunities for collaboration are coming to (slow) fruition. My writing seems to have been jumpstarted. And at home, well we've recently taken a giant leap forward...and things were pretty great before that. I'm learning to re-inhabit my body again. Skating, skiing, snowboarding as recreation are bringing physical, spiritual and emotional benefits. I'm re-discovering my body again in terms of my sexuality, and re-committing to including querrelle in that process more. All of this requires exertion on my part, and at times exertion means exhaustion to me. Not right now though...it feels like I am getting more than I am putting in.

In my work, in my day-to-day living I often deal with people who have been fucked over by life. At times they perceive me as one of those people who have always had their shit together...and the urge to try and persuade that I know--truly know--what despair and bitterness taste like. And that they are things that, while not easy to arrest, are things that one can put distance between you and them. Over time, with sustained effort....and a lot of setbacks. But to some, I could never meet their test of affinity; for most, I need to demonstrate how the person I am today--the person I was always meant to be--lives those principles. Not prove, demonstrate. With respect and empathy. Because people who have done that for me, past and present, were my mentors, teachers and role models. To whom I could look up, but also relate. I see a big part of my job in the universe today is relating to people, extending myself.

The chicken is purchased cooked and the salad is ready to be dressed. A nice casual meal and night, and some quality cuddles are my only aspirations. And rest.