jawnbc | Nos foyers et nos droits

I had a difficult time falling asleep last night. I hadn't imbibed caffeine, there was no tension at home (or, for that matter, at work: I've already largely disengaged), and

querrelle and I had already had a phenomenal root after work. Still, I was restless--unusually--both in mind and body. And, for some reason, I was unwilling to take a sleeping pill (my usual strategy for insomnia: no sleep makes

jawnbc a basket case). And, unsurprisingly, I awoke today in a sort of torpor. Won't you take me to molasses town...

This is the daily drill: Get up. Start bath. Boil kettle. Adjust bath water temperature. Pour tea to steep. Clean teeth while peeing (sitting down, if you're interested....or not), slide into bath. This is my morning, though if

querrelle is up before me (he usually is) he organizes the tea. Today he was out early for kung fu, so it was down to me. It's nice ot have a cuppa ready when I stagger into the kitchen, but Thursday morning--the only consistent early/quiet morning in my week--is usually a welcome variation.

My bath time is as much about spirit as it is ablutions. True, I wash the bits and if I shave that's also done in the tub, but I could do all that just as easily in the shower. However I also meditate while I soak: it's when I check in with the Universe. Where I reflect on what kind of person I want to be today. And when I take a reading on the spiritual/emotional barometer.

So this morning I slid in, washed the bits, and kicked back for my morning meditation. And promptly burst into tears. Again.

The last 24 hours the tears have flowed on and off; these were (until this morning) tears of joy, of awe, of gratitude. But this was grief, pure and simple. Not buckets of it (I dont' have it in buckets; I'm blessed with an incredible life), but enough to catch in my throat (I was complaining to

querrelle about a sore throat last night....hmmmm), take my breath away, cloud my vision. I was wholly unprepared for this.

But the bath also gives me clarity and helps me find insight. Today the bathtub didn't let me down: as soon as I felt the grief, I saw where it came from--which immediately brought a (wistful) smile to my lips.

I want to be in Canada right now. Today. To share the joy of my community and our allies and most Canadians. I really, really, really want to be there. But I'm not. And can't be.

So I have a request: Will some of my Canadian brethren promise to jump up and down and cry and laugh and hug strangers for me, since I can't do it myself? Please?

O to be in Canada on Canada Day this year!