Renewal of queer male sex culture: take 2

[jawnbc]

We are queer men who celebrate our sexuality together—purposefully, affirmatively and joyously. We share pleasure, exploration and knowledge. We are determined to claim our space for that purpose, against those who undermine it.

We are positive and negative; gay, bi and queer; biomale and trans. We are all ages, races, sizes and cultures. We don't discriminate or exploit: when not interested, we decline offers of sex politely; when interested, we say yes enthusiastically.

We are passionate. We are respectful. We pleasure one another. We take care of ourselves and one another.

And we all, as queer men, deserve nothing less.

That's the latest version, building on various contributions (special thanks to bix02138).

Comments please? Let's keep this moving...

Comments

[nashobabear.livejournal.com]

Over breakfast I read Mubarak Dahir's recent column about gay male "fabulosity" [my term] in the Fort Lauderdale ghetto, and after reading the above comments (noting especially timbearuk, I see cast in strong relief a very real divide, or perhaps the existence of utterly separate gay/queer men's cultures. Those who live in the "bubble" of urban and resort gay enclaves or as satellite to them, and those who live in the "real", i.e., heterosexual-mainstream society, in specific communities. The role and self-understanding of one's sexual queerness is dramatically different, one from the other. As I am thinking through bear community and its regeneration, I come up against the dynamic: who defines primarily by sexuality, who sees it as a lesser aspect. For whom is queer sexuality and practices part of identity, for whom merely behaviors engaged in? (Not new questions, but ignoring the obvious does not make it go away.)

Having recently left the rural, non-scene world of gay and bi men who do not embrace their sexual difference as an identity, and locating myself on the outskirts of the "bubble" of the gay/bi/queer communities of San Francisco today, I find I have to take stock, and revisit underlying assumptions. Crystal meth use is severely out of control here; it seems to be a key part of joining the "gay community," much like an earlier wave of being poz came to be seen, by some, as key to joining the gay male "community."

I struggle, in my own utopian way, with seeking nurturing, emotionally present men for intimacy (emotional, intellectual, someday sexual again, I hope), building my own community one person at a time -- and trying to formulate a way to both (1) keep at bay guys who are "out of control," messed up in addiction, self-abuse, and in perpetrator and predatory behaviors. Do I pursue this by creating extrinsic frames, do I pursue this by an intrinsically-focused, "spiritual" approach, which seeks to accept people where they are, but encourage them to "come into the light" of a holistic, healing, self-empowering, loving, nurturing practice?

Sorry if I veered too far off topic ...