jawnbc | Life, the Universe and Everything

If I'm not paying close attention, I tend to view the world in rather linear, causal and (in some ways) futilistic ways.

When I know--when I remember to know--that life unfolds complexly. Even diffusely.

These last several weeks have been all about change and transition. 6 weeks ago I was quite ready to leave Australia, almost to the point of booking a return flight to Hongcouver for late August. Certain things about Oz were getting right up my nose; concomitantly I longed for things from home. My inclination these days is to experience life's slings and arrows--but not to suffer them if at all possible. Lemonade from lemons, glass half full, blah blah blah. And I was shifting out of "I'm not happy--wah!" and into "challenges does not mean life sux--get over yourself and get on with it!"

And I did. And it was getting better. Besides, I was a couple of weeks away from a trip back to Hongcouver (and a visit to SF too).

A few of things happened in short sequence:

1. Finalizing a second research fellowship here in Sydney
2. Meeting

querrelle. No, make that connecting with him :)
3. Being encouraged to apply for a full-time job here at a university

So I left for Hongcouver perplexed but intrigued. I worked my support and mentorship networks, which proved invaluable (quel fookin' surprise). I stayed in contact w/

querrelle. I thought. I meditated. I prayed. I waited.

I came back to Sydney this week. With regards to the items above:

1. This project is unfolding well, and I jump back into it next Monday.
2.

querrelle and I are on the verge of tumbling right into love. Sexually, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually it's all that.It's been years since I've been here.
3. I interviewed for the job; hopefully I'll know one way or the other next week.

Were anyone to ask me about Sydney, the possibility of finding a lover, and a major career shift during the whinge days of May, I'd have said "nuh uhn, no way." To any of 'em.

And where's the rub? Trick for me now is to let these things continue to unfold, and accept how they do. My fabulous, nuturing Oirish Catlick childhood is to ascribe meaning--simplistice, cause-and-effect meaning--to life's events. If I don't get the job, does it mean that

querrelle and I aren't mean to be? Not necessarily. And if I do get it, I still need to let the

querrelle thang unfold.

so not only do I find life complext and rich and diffuse--I know that mine doesnt' suck, and the 'dilemmas' I face ain't so bad. I've experienced real suffering and pain.

jawnbc lucky!