jawnbc | sorting things

Well as things look now, I'll be moving back to Vancouver at the end of August...with a goal of coming back to Sydney around New Year's.

With Ma being increasingly unwell, the distance between Sydney and New York can't bear the weight of my sadness and worry--It's about 30 hours from here to there, as opposed to 5 from Vancouver. My plan is to visit her the long October weekend, as well as spend Christmas there. Which almost certainly will be her last Christmas. I hope she makes it til then.

If she does, and she dies while I'm in Sydney in 2004, I'll be going back for her funeral. No doubt about that. None whatsoever. I'm quite OK with all of this: I've expected things to go this way, and once the initial shock passed, I was ready to deal with and plan things. And earlier this year I broached the topic with my sister, who'd not thought about Ma's mortality at all. She was glad for the reality check. Or as glad as one can be.

querrelle and I chatted at length about this last night. We've made some plans, negotiated things a fair bit. I'm confident we'll be OK. He's feeling pre-left behind, totally understandable. But he's been awesome to me (always, but particularly the last couple of days). Gawd he's an easy man to love.

The work stuff will be ok. I have some teaching lined up for my time in Vancouver, which will allow me to pay down some bills and live quite comfortably. I've started negotiating some projects here in Oz, but the ones I'm working on can be sorted before I leave, and the future ones can be groomed via email--they wouldn't get up to speed much before next February anyway.

In term of logistics, I still need to sort out a place to stay, but that''s workable--I have a great group of friend in YVR, all of whom I know I can count on. I need a bed, a desk and broadband--am I cheap date or what?

I feel anxious and blessed and excited and sad. And itchy. But I don't feel lost or confused or terribly afraid. I mean, I have some dilemmas, but Ma's the one dying. And whatever fookups she's done as a parent, she's a Mommy who tried to be a good Mommy. She gets an A+++ for effort.

And I certainly got my activist inclinations from her, if not my politic. . .