jawnbc | My review of semi-final 1

I didn't watch the opening. I was too busy unplugging my laptop from my telly, since the quality wasn't worth it. I mean, it's just the semi, eh?

Montenegro: He sure can sing, those girls sure are persistent, the song sure is forgettable. Come back with a great song Stefan!

Israel: Hi, hallelujah, the Diva lives. No he's not Dana- Intl--she co-wrote the song! Until he gets to the chorus it truly is captivating: amazing voice, haunting song, arms that must be licked. But he lost me on the chorus when he went into the canine register. What's all this shouting, we'll have no trouble here! But may qualify. Great song, that's for sure.

Estonia: I've been to Estonia and I find it hard to believe this is terribly funny even there. Lame is what comes to mind. Better to send Silvi Vrait again methinks.

Moldova: This what happens when your local hotel lounge has someone singing the Herb Alpert songbook entirely adequately. But don't bring a teddy bear onstage to sing a snoozy song. Everyone goes for a cookie.

San Marino: I really liked this: straightforward rockish pop song in Italian. I would've lost the dancer and brought the band in closer, wilder camera shots.

Belgium: Honestly? Sounded crappy vocals-wise. All the winking and grinning in the world can't cover bad harmonies. All 3 women sounded very thin.

Azerbaijan: All hat no cattle. There's talent buried in the stoopid outfits and lame good-v-evil schtick. I really, really didn't like this. At. All. Well, the cup of blood on the devil's dance was kinda cool. Kinda.

Slovenian: I fell in love with her in the cage. I would've done anything to be with her when she tied up her dancing ghey lads. But when she dropped the cape and revealed the frock I felt so *betrayed*. I think this would've actually worked if she had a proper diva/dominatrix dress underneath. ah, to hell with it...

Norway: And then someone comes along with a good, well performed, classy, hopeful pop song about love. She's sexy but not in an inaccessible way. She's earnest. She's in tune. She works that thing in a totally non-slutty way. I get an Olsen Brothers tingle on the back of my neck (2000: this is good, but hasn't got a chance with the kids....ha!) My fave so far.

Poland: Scary spray tan (Boca! oh Moy Gawd iwwaz so hawt I waz gonna plotz!), and American store-bought teeth. But she sings this like she means it. Never underestimate someone who puts their heart into a performance. Did you the cheer after the first chorus? She connects.

Ireland: Clearly they tossed this into the bin for the actual show. Otherwise why did the ladies sing with Dustin during the entrance? ireland is the country that set the standard for tv-specific ESC entries (think The Voice and In Your Eyes, even Is Always Over Now). So they know they just have to come across clearly and personally. The lack of closeups tells me they weren't bothering. A shame.

Go watch Spain and see how it can be done peoples.

Andorra: She sounded great until she started riffing at the end. Even with the insane frock she might've qualified otherwise.

Bosnia & H: Wacky world indeed. Proof positive that a professional vocallist can do better than an accomplished singer. Really good fun, coherent and dada, and ljubavi indeed.

Armenia: She mostly hit the EWNs, but she needs to totally rest her voice for the final. And do something about the flyaway hair in her face. Still could win the whole thing. methinks.

Netherlands: And once again the Dutch deliver a pitch perfect performance that is polished to the point of being almost soulless. I blame Ruth Jacott for starting it all in 1993. And if you're gonna pinch Sertab's stuff, at least sing with some fire. Sertab is all about the fire: she make me wanna hah-ha-hah. Hind? Not so much.

Finland: I used to be a rock ~~chick~~ dude. But long hair and shirtless doesn't work for me. But the vocals were flawless and passionate. One of the better performances.

Romania: I'm shocked to have to say it....but Vlad teh Hawt kept starting out of time, slightly ahead of the music: Nico saved him. Even so, by far one of the best total packages (great song, well sung, shaggable, perfectly shot for TV). And I love the shrill background singers--they compliment Nico perfectly. I think this may have one the semi.

Russia: Dima, Dima, why? Why? So over the top! So anguished. Had you done something akin the Russian national final you might've won the whole thang. And Evgeni Plushenko, oh how the mighty have fallen. Still good enough to sail into the final though.

Greece: I could totally feel this, which says something after 18 songs. Totally Greece by the numbers, totally top 10 in the final.

Qualifiers: Norway, Romania, Russia, Greece, Finland, Armenia, Poland, Israel, Azerbaijan, Bosnia

And people, bear something in mind please: Previously to qualify from the one semi-final you had to be the top 10 of 25+ songs. This year it's the best of 19.

And if you look at the songs that qualified for the finals but didn't make the top 10 on the big night, most *still* would have qualified under the new system. So making it out of the 2 semis? Certainly good, but not necessarily a great achievement.

But for the final: this means there probably won't be any "bottom feeders" outside of the Big 4. Last year songs 16-20th in the final earned 54-43 points. This year they well could be clustered closer to 70-90 points. Generally there's a cluster of songs in the top 6-8 miles ahead of the rest, then two more clusters, then the bottom feeders. Those middle two clusters might have higher scores than usual.

With the songs in the lower half (13th-25th final ranking) on the scoreboard mostly having some support, we might see a much closer final this year.