fork you

[jawnbc]

A few months back I decided the time had come to feel less cretinous, so I resolved to learn how to eat "properly." Fork in left hand, knife in right. No swapsies, no right paw shoveling. This was not a decision taken lightly. Nor has it been what one might call "fun." But it progresses.

I grew up in a family where eating was a loud, raucous and treacherous activity. Sibling stole food off each other's plates (as provocants, not out of a lack of food) and at times spat in one other's food (not to aid digestion). Conversation was at a minimum, and the meal was over quickly--usually less than 15 minutes. Shovel, shovel, slurp, chew, swallow. More. Chair back, dish in sink (or later, in dishwasher), bye bye. Our parents taught us Bronx table manners: elbows off the table, sit up straight, cut with left, shovel with right. And if you have something to say, push the food into one side of your mouth whilst you say it. Through primary school and high school, and into university, I had no awareness of any other way of eating. I do vaguely recall being stared at while eating in restos across Western Europe during the backpacking excursion of '86, but I assumed the stares were related to my manly beauty. Not the clatter of cutlery on plates and the sound of chomping.

Then I got back to NY and got a job in The City (Manhattan). And then worked in a corporate setting, where it seemed my table manners were...so not acceptable. A colleague offered kind tips, and I learned how to use various forks and spoons, where to put my napkin, where to put the knife and fork in my dish to signal being finished (rather than belching and scratching). My working class Oirish roots were always somewhat resistant to these strictures, but my inner homo found it all rather classé.

But whenever I tried to fork left knife right, it was a mess. Really. Food in the air, sauces sprayed about, clothes soiled. My lack of dexterity with my left hand precluded being able to pick up food. And when it fell out of my hand--splash! So I learned switchies (cut/switch/eat/switch/cut), which while tiresome seemed to go over better than the shovel. And so it went for a few years, then I moved to Canada...where apparently fork right knife left is an accepted option--woo hoo! I put switchies to rest except for the stuffiest of occasions, and shoveled peacefully. And found that chopsticks, while they have their own rules of etiquette, evited most of the issues. In Hongcouver, I'll often use chopsticks over cutlery if the meal is eatable that way.

When I moved to Oz earlier this year, I noticed that different people used any of these variations. Regardless of education, profession, age or culture, the only continuity I could find was that the Hinglish (Pomes as their derogatorily referred to here, Prisoners Of Mother England) all did the "proper" way. After a moratorium of 15 years, I decided to give fork left knife right another go. Some 4 months later, and it almost feels comfortable. And in a very real--ja maybe pathetic--way, it feels very Grown Up.

Whatever that's all about.

Comments

fork me. no no fork you

[dacubsf.livejournal.com]

although i'm technically Ambidextrous. I tend to be more right handed. I can write as a lefty but tend to consider myself a righty. But when it comes to eating. I tend to do fork in left knife in right. but now if i'm using a spoon. left hand. I use to do switchies when I was younger.

[davomatic.livejournal.com]

Awesome entry. I relate more than I'd like to admit.

[jawnbc]

thanks matey!

[quetzalcoatl.livejournal.com]

When I was growing up, holding your fork in your right hand was considered American and not proper manners. To eat with a fork in the right hand therefore seemed kind of, daring, casual.