The fun is in the dag
May. 10th, 2005 02:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcOk time to discuss the deep dark underbelly of Eurovision: the dagginess. Truth be told, one can do surprisingly well--if they're so bad they're cute. In a sort of "we-are-so-advanced-compared-to-you-but-you-got=spunk-and-we-like-spunk" way.
Take last year: Albania enters for the first time, and they're so excited they select their singer and song 6 months before the contest (before Xmas). Their choice is their Pulp Idol, Anjeza Shahini. Of course she's got a mop of thick black hair, spots/zits (Clearsil costs a month's wages in Tirana, after all), and the requisite UniBrow™. And it that's not enough, apparently Albania TV doesn't have anyone who can read English...or French...very well. Because they've selected a song that 4.5 minutes long: you only get 3 minutes (a bit longer is OK). I wish I could find "before" photo that did her justice...
Anyway, deep down in that nearly 5 minutes of....ooooow my ears hurt.....is a pop song. So Albania hires some 5th rate Europop producer to chop it down (by speeding it up), writes a bizarre Englesque lyric ("how strange the feeling in your soul, when love invades your very being. Another me, or so I'm told, and life takes on another meaning"), and arranges it to a thump=thump-thump beat. Then they hire the best groomers Albania Lek can buy, which ain't much. This how Anjeza looked for the semi-final (qualifier) round this time last year:
And you thought your aunties burned all their polyster prom dresses back in the 70s? They apparently missed one, the pink one. There is is, shiniing like a $1 Xmas tree ornament, complete with backyard home perm. Anjeza can sing, even if she's not terribly...what's the word, can't be too mean...polished. Yeah, not terribly polished. But she finishes in the top 10 and will be in the final. Woot!
Time for a new look. And for some reason she decides that Eurovision is all about national pride. Not that she sang in her own language, or wore anthing that could be construed as an Albanian ethnic costume. But she's proud dammit, and she's come this far--this one's for Tirana! And maybe her cousins in servitude in Kosovo? So she decides to sing in a dress made from the official colours of Albania. Sadly, due to a poor economy, the government of Albania hasn't been able to re-brand themselves from the communist days, but one's flag is one's flag.
Red and Black. I'm not making this up, I couldn't. And now her hair's straightened, she got less makeup on, and she's going for it. "I know! It's Just! A Dre-eam! I feel! I love! This li-ife!"
7th place, out of 36 countries. Only one place below Sweden's been-working-it-and-trying-to-get-to-the-Eurovision-for-20-years dawdy diva Lena P.
However I fear this year we won't have any daggy-but-darling singers. Of those from whom we expect a tacky presentation, they're either too old (Andorra, and her robopop ice cold Dutch delivery), or a bloke (Slovenia, with his half-shaven chest). Belarus is a tempting bet, but she's stunningly beautiful if tone deaf--and she plays the "I am gorgeous, you want to root me, you will ignore please my singing" card well. Although this year's Ukrainian entry is 3 chubby rapper dudes, whose song was the anthem of the Orange Revolution.
Of course it's not all fun and games. A couple of queens run the annual Barbara Dex Award for the worst dressed entry. Will it be the Austrian chick in the dirdnl? The German, Russian, or Swiss rock chycks? Or maybe we should just hand it over to the four Norwegian faux glam rockers right now?
Nah that wouldn't be fair...it's a contest after all.
Take last year: Albania enters for the first time, and they're so excited they select their singer and song 6 months before the contest (before Xmas). Their choice is their Pulp Idol, Anjeza Shahini. Of course she's got a mop of thick black hair, spots/zits (Clearsil costs a month's wages in Tirana, after all), and the requisite UniBrow™. And it that's not enough, apparently Albania TV doesn't have anyone who can read English...or French...very well. Because they've selected a song that 4.5 minutes long: you only get 3 minutes (a bit longer is OK). I wish I could find "before" photo that did her justice...
Anyway, deep down in that nearly 5 minutes of....ooooow my ears hurt.....is a pop song. So Albania hires some 5th rate Europop producer to chop it down (by speeding it up), writes a bizarre Englesque lyric ("how strange the feeling in your soul, when love invades your very being. Another me, or so I'm told, and life takes on another meaning"), and arranges it to a thump=thump-thump beat. Then they hire the best groomers Albania Lek can buy, which ain't much. This how Anjeza looked for the semi-final (qualifier) round this time last year:
And you thought your aunties burned all their polyster prom dresses back in the 70s? They apparently missed one, the pink one. There is is, shiniing like a $1 Xmas tree ornament, complete with backyard home perm. Anjeza can sing, even if she's not terribly...what's the word, can't be too mean...polished. Yeah, not terribly polished. But she finishes in the top 10 and will be in the final. Woot!
Time for a new look. And for some reason she decides that Eurovision is all about national pride. Not that she sang in her own language, or wore anthing that could be construed as an Albanian ethnic costume. But she's proud dammit, and she's come this far--this one's for Tirana! And maybe her cousins in servitude in Kosovo? So she decides to sing in a dress made from the official colours of Albania. Sadly, due to a poor economy, the government of Albania hasn't been able to re-brand themselves from the communist days, but one's flag is one's flag.
Red and Black. I'm not making this up, I couldn't. And now her hair's straightened, she got less makeup on, and she's going for it. "I know! It's Just! A Dre-eam! I feel! I love! This li-ife!"
7th place, out of 36 countries. Only one place below Sweden's been-working-it-and-trying-to-get-to-the-Eurovision-for-20-years dawdy diva Lena P.
However I fear this year we won't have any daggy-but-darling singers. Of those from whom we expect a tacky presentation, they're either too old (Andorra, and her robopop ice cold Dutch delivery), or a bloke (Slovenia, with his half-shaven chest). Belarus is a tempting bet, but she's stunningly beautiful if tone deaf--and she plays the "I am gorgeous, you want to root me, you will ignore please my singing" card well. Although this year's Ukrainian entry is 3 chubby rapper dudes, whose song was the anthem of the Orange Revolution.
Of course it's not all fun and games. A couple of queens run the annual Barbara Dex Award for the worst dressed entry. Will it be the Austrian chick in the dirdnl? The German, Russian, or Swiss rock chycks? Or maybe we should just hand it over to the four Norwegian faux glam rockers right now?
Nah that wouldn't be fair...it's a contest after all.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 09:07 am (UTC)Well if Vanille Ninje (let's make them sound a bit more Européene) does as well as we expect, you could be next in a line of outsourced contingent worker/performers. Didja happen to catch the 89 Lausanne contest on the Israeli site? It starts with the worst, most tedious beginning ever, then Céline comes out, kills on Ne Partez pas Sans Moi. Then the smarmy hosts thank her for winning, sort of, carefully avoiding her speaking too much with her pronounced Montréal accent.
Then she sings Where Does My Heart Beat Now? (world début actually) and show everyone she would be a person to watch.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 09:24 am (UTC)Though it was criminal that our Dawn didn't rate top 3.
Birmingham
Date: 2005-05-10 09:35 am (UTC)The BBC put so little effort into Birmingham 1998! Ulrika was good, Terry was muzzled and Dawn deserved better than 11th but Top 3? Hmm... not sure she deserved it that much!
Oh the orchestra... how I miss thee...
Céline
Date: 2005-05-10 11:10 am (UTC)And looking at the old videos, how much work has this woman had? Joan Rivers eat your heart out! (If it hasn't been nip/tucked aleady).
Re: Céline
Date: 2005-05-10 11:15 am (UTC)grandpamanager popped her cherry. She be a woman that night.She's had her teeth done, that's it. Having the kid really altered her face (it does most women), but mostly she got rid of the fright wig hair and learned how to de-accentuate her massive chin and sunken eyes--both typical of Québecois inbreeding.
And be warned: I am a huge Céline fan.
Re: Céline
Date: 2005-05-10 11:19 am (UTC)And you really think René waited until 1988 to have his way with her? Yeah right....
:P
Re: Céline
Date: 2005-05-10 11:18 am (UTC)--- on the ORF Merci Jury special a few weeks ago. So I guess not all Austrians are humor-defective.
Is Johnny Logan going to the same doctor as Patrick Swayze?
Re: Céline
Date: 2005-05-10 11:46 am (UTC)Re: Céline
Date: 2005-05-10 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 11:13 am (UTC)I have to try to find the 89 Lausanne contest on the Isreali site.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 11:27 am (UTC)Still with proper lighting we can pull it off I think. Glad to have you.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 11:31 am (UTC)Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 11:44 am (UTC)Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 11:54 am (UTC)Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 11:56 am (UTC)>(
Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 12:00 pm (UTC)Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 12:07 pm (UTC)Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 12:00 pm (UTC)I'm just saying you know alot about key changing.
Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 12:03 pm (UTC)Re: Me too! Me too!
Date: 2005-05-10 12:31 pm (UTC)