The fun is in the dag
May. 10th, 2005 02:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcOk time to discuss the deep dark underbelly of Eurovision: the dagginess. Truth be told, one can do surprisingly well--if they're so bad they're cute. In a sort of "we-are-so-advanced-compared-to-you-but-you-got=spunk-and-we-like-spunk" way.
Take last year: Albania enters for the first time, and they're so excited they select their singer and song 6 months before the contest (before Xmas). Their choice is their Pulp Idol, Anjeza Shahini. Of course she's got a mop of thick black hair, spots/zits (Clearsil costs a month's wages in Tirana, after all), and the requisite UniBrow™. And it that's not enough, apparently Albania TV doesn't have anyone who can read English...or French...very well. Because they've selected a song that 4.5 minutes long: you only get 3 minutes (a bit longer is OK). I wish I could find "before" photo that did her justice...
Anyway, deep down in that nearly 5 minutes of....ooooow my ears hurt.....is a pop song. So Albania hires some 5th rate Europop producer to chop it down (by speeding it up), writes a bizarre Englesque lyric ("how strange the feeling in your soul, when love invades your very being. Another me, or so I'm told, and life takes on another meaning"), and arranges it to a thump=thump-thump beat. Then they hire the best groomers Albania Lek can buy, which ain't much. This how Anjeza looked for the semi-final (qualifier) round this time last year:
And you thought your aunties burned all their polyster prom dresses back in the 70s? They apparently missed one, the pink one. There is is, shiniing like a $1 Xmas tree ornament, complete with backyard home perm. Anjeza can sing, even if she's not terribly...what's the word, can't be too mean...polished. Yeah, not terribly polished. But she finishes in the top 10 and will be in the final. Woot!
Time for a new look. And for some reason she decides that Eurovision is all about national pride. Not that she sang in her own language, or wore anthing that could be construed as an Albanian ethnic costume. But she's proud dammit, and she's come this far--this one's for Tirana! And maybe her cousins in servitude in Kosovo? So she decides to sing in a dress made from the official colours of Albania. Sadly, due to a poor economy, the government of Albania hasn't been able to re-brand themselves from the communist days, but one's flag is one's flag.
Red and Black. I'm not making this up, I couldn't. And now her hair's straightened, she got less makeup on, and she's going for it. "I know! It's Just! A Dre-eam! I feel! I love! This li-ife!"
7th place, out of 36 countries. Only one place below Sweden's been-working-it-and-trying-to-get-to-the-Eurovision-for-20-years dawdy diva Lena P.
However I fear this year we won't have any daggy-but-darling singers. Of those from whom we expect a tacky presentation, they're either too old (Andorra, and her robopop ice cold Dutch delivery), or a bloke (Slovenia, with his half-shaven chest). Belarus is a tempting bet, but she's stunningly beautiful if tone deaf--and she plays the "I am gorgeous, you want to root me, you will ignore please my singing" card well. Although this year's Ukrainian entry is 3 chubby rapper dudes, whose song was the anthem of the Orange Revolution.
Of course it's not all fun and games. A couple of queens run the annual Barbara Dex Award for the worst dressed entry. Will it be the Austrian chick in the dirdnl? The German, Russian, or Swiss rock chycks? Or maybe we should just hand it over to the four Norwegian faux glam rockers right now?
Nah that wouldn't be fair...it's a contest after all.
Take last year: Albania enters for the first time, and they're so excited they select their singer and song 6 months before the contest (before Xmas). Their choice is their Pulp Idol, Anjeza Shahini. Of course she's got a mop of thick black hair, spots/zits (Clearsil costs a month's wages in Tirana, after all), and the requisite UniBrow™. And it that's not enough, apparently Albania TV doesn't have anyone who can read English...or French...very well. Because they've selected a song that 4.5 minutes long: you only get 3 minutes (a bit longer is OK). I wish I could find "before" photo that did her justice...
Anyway, deep down in that nearly 5 minutes of....ooooow my ears hurt.....is a pop song. So Albania hires some 5th rate Europop producer to chop it down (by speeding it up), writes a bizarre Englesque lyric ("how strange the feeling in your soul, when love invades your very being. Another me, or so I'm told, and life takes on another meaning"), and arranges it to a thump=thump-thump beat. Then they hire the best groomers Albania Lek can buy, which ain't much. This how Anjeza looked for the semi-final (qualifier) round this time last year:
And you thought your aunties burned all their polyster prom dresses back in the 70s? They apparently missed one, the pink one. There is is, shiniing like a $1 Xmas tree ornament, complete with backyard home perm. Anjeza can sing, even if she's not terribly...what's the word, can't be too mean...polished. Yeah, not terribly polished. But she finishes in the top 10 and will be in the final. Woot!
Time for a new look. And for some reason she decides that Eurovision is all about national pride. Not that she sang in her own language, or wore anthing that could be construed as an Albanian ethnic costume. But she's proud dammit, and she's come this far--this one's for Tirana! And maybe her cousins in servitude in Kosovo? So she decides to sing in a dress made from the official colours of Albania. Sadly, due to a poor economy, the government of Albania hasn't been able to re-brand themselves from the communist days, but one's flag is one's flag.
Red and Black. I'm not making this up, I couldn't. And now her hair's straightened, she got less makeup on, and she's going for it. "I know! It's Just! A Dre-eam! I feel! I love! This li-ife!"
7th place, out of 36 countries. Only one place below Sweden's been-working-it-and-trying-to-get-to-the-Eurovision-for-20-years dawdy diva Lena P.
However I fear this year we won't have any daggy-but-darling singers. Of those from whom we expect a tacky presentation, they're either too old (Andorra, and her robopop ice cold Dutch delivery), or a bloke (Slovenia, with his half-shaven chest). Belarus is a tempting bet, but she's stunningly beautiful if tone deaf--and she plays the "I am gorgeous, you want to root me, you will ignore please my singing" card well. Although this year's Ukrainian entry is 3 chubby rapper dudes, whose song was the anthem of the Orange Revolution.
Of course it's not all fun and games. A couple of queens run the annual Barbara Dex Award for the worst dressed entry. Will it be the Austrian chick in the dirdnl? The German, Russian, or Swiss rock chycks? Or maybe we should just hand it over to the four Norwegian faux glam rockers right now?
Nah that wouldn't be fair...it's a contest after all.
Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 10:12 am (UTC)Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 10:32 am (UTC)Rosa is on perpetual diet. I'm sure he only buys vegetables and fruits (and she might hide chocolate bars between her breasts). Ah, she fixed her teeth too!
Speaking about lost Eurovision contestants, I found Bachelli, Spain's representative in 1981 - He's actually the nephew of one of my late-grandma's neighbours. And his real name has nothing to see with Italy but I can't recall it. And about Spain's worst rating (0 in 1983) - Remedios Amaya, she was recycled into flamenco-fussion a couple of years ago and she's actually quite a decent performer. And Julio Iglesias (1970)? They say he's broke... Karina (1972) actually lives on the yellow press and constantly marries gay guys (with horrible taste, btw)...
I could relate many more... But I'm too ashamed of my own country
Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:34 am (UTC)Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:38 am (UTC)Ludwig apparently has a gaydar profile, in which he mentions singing in Eurovision!
Athena, I smell strong coffee and sweat and......
Ramon and Jonatan, ça ne marche pour moi. And James, dear, wears a rug. Without he looks like a trashed out Brighton boy living on nicotine and caffeine. the camera is very nice to him.
Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:49 am (UTC)Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:51 am (UTC)Selma with a cock
Date: 2005-05-10 10:54 am (UTC)I guess that phrase is not kosher on ESC fora?
Re: Selma with a cock
Date: 2005-05-10 11:05 am (UTC)Re: Selma with a cock
Date: 2005-05-10 11:10 am (UTC)Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:50 am (UTC)Which ones are James, Ramon, and Ludwig? (I'm not very good with names, but I can usually bluff my way through until it's no longer important.)
2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:09 am (UTC)5. Julie - I'm convinced this giant from Malta has a massive cock.
4. Sakis - Hmm, I was hoping not to include him in my top 5 (he's just so... commonly chosen) but the man is beautiful. In an ancient Greek Olympian statue way. Can't sing, not much going on between the ears but when he puts his hand inside his waistband and shakes his hips...
3. Jonsi - I'm convinced he came directly from a porn movie. No non porn jaw can be that chiselled. Piercing Icelandic eyes, good shoulders, some nice fisting action... such a shame he fluffed it on the night...
2. Athena - Surprising but it all had to do with the shoulders. Yes I'm a freak; I have a mahor thing for shoulders. And Athena had the best shoulders in the contest. I almost creamed my pants when the jacket was taken off at the end of the first chorus. And two brothers sqautting and singing into one mike? Brilliant...
1. Zelko - Another surprise I'm sure. (I have unique tastes). His promo pictures did him no justice. When he walked onto the stage at the semi final (about 40 seconds into the song), resplendint in Johnny Logan white I fell in love. Great fisting action, intersting key change, nice facial hair... I watch the semi DVD on slow just to catch a glimpse of his chest when the ten winners emerge on stage at the end.
Honourable mentions : Final Four, Chris Doran's backing singers. Irisg rugby players? Yum...
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:12 am (UTC)Final Four can gang-bang me anytime. Poor Doran didn't know rule #1 about Eurovision: don't have backup singers that are better looking than you.
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:15 am (UTC)If you were I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:19 am (UTC)and hate me more!
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:42 am (UTC)Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:45 am (UTC)I had to go to Vancouver for a conference for work the week after. The round-the world ticket was actually cheaper than flying Sydney-Vancouver. It allowed one stop in Europe, and the flights on Lufthansa to Istanbul weren't sold out (???). then the hotel was 30€ a night and food and taxis dirt cheap. So the whole ESC thing cost me about 200€, plus 100€ for the ticket to the final.
No conference this year meant no Kyiv. Which is actually OK. I'm hoping for Sarajevo next year....
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:58 am (UTC)Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:24 am (UTC)My first thought about Jonsi was "when are those video's he did gonna surface on the Internet?"
After the free for all, I'd still like to spend the night cuddling between Platin.
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:27 am (UTC)If Morgan Fairchild were gonna adopt an Eastern European it would've been Diana from Platin.
And if you've not been introduced properly, Michéal meet Steve. Steve meet Michéal. You're both homosexuals who are kind of interested in Eurovision. Play nice.
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:33 am (UTC)And who told you I was homosexual?
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:37 am (UTC)Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:41 am (UTC)Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:50 am (UTC)My proctologist looks like David on Six Feet Under (the somewhat cute but wimpy repressed brother). That reminds me, I've been promising to chronicle my last (I swear every word is true) pornorific visit when he used my butt as the training butt for a beefy German intern named Hans (really - I wouldn't lie about something like this). If I thought the the demonstration portion from "David" was an experience it was because Hans hadn't started to the hands-on experience part. The intern was a slow learner. But that was ok. I learned a thing or two myself that day. (And that's also the answer to one of your interview questions that I haven't forgotten about ...)
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:53 am (UTC)Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:56 am (UTC)What please means *thud*?
Re: 2004 Top Totty
From:Re: 2004 Top Totty
From:Re: 2004 Top Totty
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