plus ça change
Sep. 28th, 2005 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcWhen I met ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
querrelle I was adamant about about few things. These included “spontaneity only”, with respect to sex. Rather easy for a single person to have that sort of condition. Why was I like that? Well my Catholic upbringing--especially our family’s way of “just do it, don’t think about it”--has turned many an initially great thing into mindless, robotic, dispassionate...nothingness. I even managed to turn meditation into a horrible thing, simply by “sticking to a routine” of twice a day, morning and evening. And I can tell the spiritual desert ain’t fun--but if don’t know what it’s like being sheltered from the wilderness, to some extent you don’t know what you’re missing. After a couple of incredibly moving, profound year of being “plugged in”, losing that connection was brutal.
So so much for rigidity, and scheduling to death the important personal stuff--the meaning-laden things for me. Sex was a big part of this, but when you partner and you each pick another clever, complex, engaged-with-the-universe person--there has to be some give and take. Over time,querrelle deftly but consistently (and lovingly) pushed me to re-examine this particular part of (what I had thought was) my ethos.
I only mention this because tonight we just had incredible, toe-curling, scare-the-thai-teenagers-living-next-door-with-our-noises, sex. Past my bedtime, after a day of doing the thinking stuff (writing mostly). Incredible, incredible sex. And I guess that’s one of the things that sets love apart from lust: the moving beyond and through stuff, with him, arriving at somewhere pretty great.
However tomorrow, let there be laundry...
querrelle I was adamant about about few things. These included “spontaneity only”, with respect to sex. Rather easy for a single person to have that sort of condition. Why was I like that? Well my Catholic upbringing--especially our family’s way of “just do it, don’t think about it”--has turned many an initially great thing into mindless, robotic, dispassionate...nothingness. I even managed to turn meditation into a horrible thing, simply by “sticking to a routine” of twice a day, morning and evening. And I can tell the spiritual desert ain’t fun--but if don’t know what it’s like being sheltered from the wilderness, to some extent you don’t know what you’re missing. After a couple of incredibly moving, profound year of being “plugged in”, losing that connection was brutal. So so much for rigidity, and scheduling to death the important personal stuff--the meaning-laden things for me. Sex was a big part of this, but when you partner and you each pick another clever, complex, engaged-with-the-universe person--there has to be some give and take. Over time,
querrelle deftly but consistently (and lovingly) pushed me to re-examine this particular part of (what I had thought was) my ethos.I only mention this because tonight we just had incredible, toe-curling, scare-the-thai-teenagers-living-next-door-with-our-noises, sex. Past my bedtime, after a day of doing the thinking stuff (writing mostly). Incredible, incredible sex. And I guess that’s one of the things that sets love apart from lust: the moving beyond and through stuff, with him, arriving at somewhere pretty great.
However tomorrow, let there be laundry...
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 08:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 04:39 pm (UTC)I certainly find that having sex spontaneously is the ONLY way to go for me. It used to feel like a duty or something that I must do to keep things in order, going, etc. Frankly, the amount of sex you talk about having seems exhausting to me... and that's why I like spontaneous sex - proscribed sex (usually way more than I wanted) wore me out and took away whatever joy I may have found in spontaneous, if infrequent, sex. (Not to mention that anticipating and rigidly trying to work my way up to sex could have... well, unrigid results - and that's never fun.)
For someone who spent decades of his life with sex being my only way to have any kind of intimacy with anyone, it has taken a lot of time and trial and error to recognize when I was trying to use sex to CREATE intimacy and when it had become a PART of intimacy. Of course, I'm not completely settled on this matter, and don't think I ever will be. Today's boundless universe is tomorrow's gilded cage.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 04:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 06:42 pm (UTC)