jawnbc | plus ça change

When I met

querrelle I was adamant about about few things. These included “spontaneity only”, with respect to sex. Rather easy for a single person to have that sort of condition. Why was I like that? Well my Catholic upbringing--especially our family’s way of “just do it, don’t think about it”--has turned many an initially great thing into mindless, robotic, dispassionate...nothingness. I even managed to turn meditation into a horrible thing, simply by “sticking to a routine” of twice a day, morning and evening. And I can tell the spiritual desert ain’t fun--but if don’t know what it’s like being sheltered from the wilderness, to some extent you don’t know what you’re missing. After a couple of incredibly moving, profound year of being “plugged in”, losing that connection was brutal.

So so much for rigidity, and scheduling to death the important personal stuff--the meaning-laden things for me. Sex was a big part of this, but when you partner and you each pick another clever, complex, engaged-with-the-universe person--there has to be some give and take. Over time,

querrelle deftly but consistently (and lovingly) pushed me to re-examine this particular part of (what I had thought was) my ethos.

I only mention this because tonight we just had incredible, toe-curling, scare-the-thai-teenagers-living-next-door-with-our-noises, sex. Past my bedtime, after a day of doing the thinking stuff (writing mostly). Incredible, incredible sex. And I guess that’s one of the things that sets love apart from lust: the moving beyond and through stuff, with him, arriving at somewhere pretty great.

However tomorrow, let there be laundry...