On the fight for same-sex marriage rights
Jul. 27th, 2006 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcWow. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thornyc's pledge on marriage rights has brought out a lot of passion on here. In good and bad ways. That's LiveJournal for you.
Some seem to think that those of us who have already married have abandoned those who can't. We haven't...and for us to not marry would have only given more power to the bastards. Our marriages in fact are the sort of tangible evidence that the advent of same-sex marriage is only a good thing. For everyone. Feel free to point North (and towards Europe. And Massachusetts) to support your case. Please exploit us.
Some also interpret some of our sensitivities to our str8 allies as being "Uncle Toms", or sell outs, or losers, or what have you. I have done my share of screaming and shrieking and stopping traffic and getting on telly and writing stroppy letters. All of which can be very effective...in shutting down the vitriolic, nasty homophobes. I'm not currently interested in that aspect of the work--though I will always support those who are, so long as they remain non-violent. I prefer to work with the soft middle: those who are unsure, or educable, or ignorant. They will respond well to engagement, talking AND listening, and the personalization of these issues. In other words, knowing and liking someone affected by discrimination. I am a good communicator and I like people--and think the best of most. They'll understand, eventually.
Finally, life is short. I'm looking past a rather ample gut that literally hundreds of thousands of my peers (queer men) never had a chance to get because of AIDS. Add all the people who have died young from accidents, suicide, cancer, you name it. We only have today. I don't want you to put off your dreams until tomorrow on my behalf. Fulfill them now, and actively help achieve them. Marry, build your family life, and raise your kids to see Uncle John and Max as great people and a wonderful family themselves. I'd rather you start pumping them out ASAP, to shore up our side.
There are, of course, some nasty scumbags out there who hate us. I don't hate them, but I'm mindful of them and am quite happy to go toe-to-toe with them when that's on the agenda. No problem at all. I suspect, however, I wouldn't be invited to their weddings anyway.
As for Canada and our "priviledge," we had a visionary Prime Minister named Pierre Trudeau from the late 60s to early 80s (with a couple of wee breaks). He bankrupted the country, but he also laid the groundwork for the rights I enjoy today as a queer Canadian. Even as PM it took him nearly all of his years in office to bring in a new Canadian Constitution and its Charter of Rights and Freedoms. These were written in 1981--fully 200 years after the US Constitution, and represent a much more detailed and nuanced notion of human rights. Activists fought to have sexual orientatiion in the Charter and failed. But a mechanism for "reading in" other oppressed or excluded groups into the Charter allowed for same-sex rights in Canada to progress as far as they have.
Some of us had to agitate for change. But without the Charter, it wouldn't have happened as quickly...if at all. And the lack of modern, detailed human rights mechanism is what impedes similar progress in the US, Australia and the UK. And many other places.
Let's keep talking, even arguing--if it's constructive and respectful (bitchy passive aggressive comments help no one). But let's not forget we're on the same side, even when not in total agreement. We're not the enemy...unless we let them set ourselves us as such.
thornyc's pledge on marriage rights has brought out a lot of passion on here. In good and bad ways. That's LiveJournal for you.Some seem to think that those of us who have already married have abandoned those who can't. We haven't...and for us to not marry would have only given more power to the bastards. Our marriages in fact are the sort of tangible evidence that the advent of same-sex marriage is only a good thing. For everyone. Feel free to point North (and towards Europe. And Massachusetts) to support your case. Please exploit us.
Some also interpret some of our sensitivities to our str8 allies as being "Uncle Toms", or sell outs, or losers, or what have you. I have done my share of screaming and shrieking and stopping traffic and getting on telly and writing stroppy letters. All of which can be very effective...in shutting down the vitriolic, nasty homophobes. I'm not currently interested in that aspect of the work--though I will always support those who are, so long as they remain non-violent. I prefer to work with the soft middle: those who are unsure, or educable, or ignorant. They will respond well to engagement, talking AND listening, and the personalization of these issues. In other words, knowing and liking someone affected by discrimination. I am a good communicator and I like people--and think the best of most. They'll understand, eventually.
Finally, life is short. I'm looking past a rather ample gut that literally hundreds of thousands of my peers (queer men) never had a chance to get because of AIDS. Add all the people who have died young from accidents, suicide, cancer, you name it. We only have today. I don't want you to put off your dreams until tomorrow on my behalf. Fulfill them now, and actively help achieve them. Marry, build your family life, and raise your kids to see Uncle John and Max as great people and a wonderful family themselves. I'd rather you start pumping them out ASAP, to shore up our side.
There are, of course, some nasty scumbags out there who hate us. I don't hate them, but I'm mindful of them and am quite happy to go toe-to-toe with them when that's on the agenda. No problem at all. I suspect, however, I wouldn't be invited to their weddings anyway.
As for Canada and our "priviledge," we had a visionary Prime Minister named Pierre Trudeau from the late 60s to early 80s (with a couple of wee breaks). He bankrupted the country, but he also laid the groundwork for the rights I enjoy today as a queer Canadian. Even as PM it took him nearly all of his years in office to bring in a new Canadian Constitution and its Charter of Rights and Freedoms. These were written in 1981--fully 200 years after the US Constitution, and represent a much more detailed and nuanced notion of human rights. Activists fought to have sexual orientatiion in the Charter and failed. But a mechanism for "reading in" other oppressed or excluded groups into the Charter allowed for same-sex rights in Canada to progress as far as they have.
Some of us had to agitate for change. But without the Charter, it wouldn't have happened as quickly...if at all. And the lack of modern, detailed human rights mechanism is what impedes similar progress in the US, Australia and the UK. And many other places.
Let's keep talking, even arguing--if it's constructive and respectful (bitchy passive aggressive comments help no one). But let's not forget we're on the same side, even when not in total agreement. We're not the enemy...unless we let them set ourselves us as such.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-28 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-28 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-28 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-28 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-28 01:27 am (UTC)Can you blame him?
Date: 2006-07-28 04:49 am (UTC)At the sametime you are right. If we get down in the threnchies and start mudslinging it ain't going to help things ether. The only thing we can do is to speak out, be heard and engage people in debate. Dr. Sommerville comments on same sex families is a great example. More people scream homophobia the more people get turn off. The key is in debating why we think she is homophobic will win over more people (Which reminds me when she does choose to speak at Ryerson this fall, I'll try and attend myself to hear what she has to say). It's hard cause when youa re emotionally attached to an issue it hard to think clear and sometime hell you have to scream to be heard. I know that by arguing with people about racism.
We are bless that we have the charter of Rights and Freeedoms. At the sametime we must be villigant. Mini-Me (Harper and the Conservatives) want to purposely re-open this debate. For what purpose who knows? Only time will tell.
Re: Can you blame him?
Date: 2006-07-28 05:00 am (UTC)I think to some extent the way things evolve here keeps us positioned between societies that race ahead and those that stagnate.
Harper is doing everything thing we could ask of him. We need the Liberals to get a new leader so they won't be wussies about things like the softwood lumber deal, same-sex marriage, or the military.
Re: Can you blame him?
Date: 2006-07-28 05:11 am (UTC)You are right that sometimes we become so engage in debate for so long that we fail to make any concrete decision. At the sametime let's face it we are living in times that may call for all of us to stand up sooner or later on out beliefs. I think the far right has done a damn good job intimidating people. I just hope the left can be just as creative and proactive in providing a counter view. It's needed now more than ever.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-29 03:35 am (UTC)it's funny, one night i was watching david letterman's show with charlize theron as his guest.... she proclaimed she and her boyfriend would not marry until the day it is a right for ALL couples to marry....
and i was sitting there thinking "hey! you stole my line!!" hahahahahaha!!!!
but wonderful eh? when i say it only a few will hear me.... with her statement on that show.... perhaps millions heard it?
it's very difficult to change the mind of an outright bigot.
in comparison it's very easy to raise children who have healthy minds and loving hearts to accept and respect all people as equals to themselves.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-29 05:44 am (UTC)