(no subject)
Feb. 1st, 2007 12:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcI woke up a big groggy, so I decided to give myself a treat. Thus, quick as a bunny I leapt out of bed, put the kettle on, filled the bath, poured the kettle to steep the tea, turned off the bath, sweetened (Splenda™) and milked (organic) the tea, and slid into the bath with Anna Maria Tremonti. Wash, scrub, shave, rinse, slurp, unplug, towel, tone, moisturize, deoderize, dress, out the door.
The spring in my step must've made my glee transparent to all; I fairly skipped up Robson Street to The Bay. Where I dodged and weaved around the perfume pimps and presented myself in the cosmetics section to the Estée Lauder ladies. And said to the Lauder Lady "I'd like my free consultation and makeover please."
"Sorry, it's only for ladies."
"It doesn't say that."
"Well it is."
"Well it isn't. I'd like my consultatiion now please."
"We don't sell men's product. Why don't you try..."
"Clinique? Been there, done that. Besides, are you saying your line of product will somehow deform my XY body's otherwise gorgeous skin?"
"Of course not..."
"Perfect." And I scurried onto her amazon-height stool, dropping my jacket to the floor behind me.
Heavy sigh. "OK, well first we need to determine if you..."
"Cleanse? Tone? Moisturize? Every day!" I chirped. At which point my nipples got a wee bit turgid.
"Uh, fine, but it's also important to..."
"Exfoliate, 1-2 times a week. Yup, do that too. See?" as I traced my finger up my rather stunningly lovely cheekbone.
"Oh, OK. Excuse me a moment sir."
After about 5 minutes - which I must say is a bit of a drag when you've got leprechaun length legs and you're balanced on a stool 2-3m above the floor - she returned with HIm. You know, the Official Gay Man in Cosmetics dude. But I wasn't buying.
"Nuh, uh. No way. No offense dude, but I didn't come here to have a guy reiterate what I already know. I'm here for the VIP stuff. The advance skin care secrets of women everywhere. You know, the stuff you won't tell us guys. Even us gay guys." At which point OGMiC gave me a perfect supermodel eyebrow smile, pivotted and walked away. As Lauder Lady called after him, he just sorta gave the über gay version of the royal wave and kept walking.
Lauder lady turned to me. And looked. And dropped her stare before I did. And at last got out her brushes.
...or not. ;)
The spring in my step must've made my glee transparent to all; I fairly skipped up Robson Street to The Bay. Where I dodged and weaved around the perfume pimps and presented myself in the cosmetics section to the Estée Lauder ladies. And said to the Lauder Lady "I'd like my free consultation and makeover please."
"Sorry, it's only for ladies."
"It doesn't say that."
"Well it is."
"Well it isn't. I'd like my consultatiion now please."
"We don't sell men's product. Why don't you try..."
"Clinique? Been there, done that. Besides, are you saying your line of product will somehow deform my XY body's otherwise gorgeous skin?"
"Of course not..."
"Perfect." And I scurried onto her amazon-height stool, dropping my jacket to the floor behind me.
Heavy sigh. "OK, well first we need to determine if you..."
"Cleanse? Tone? Moisturize? Every day!" I chirped. At which point my nipples got a wee bit turgid.
"Uh, fine, but it's also important to..."
"Exfoliate, 1-2 times a week. Yup, do that too. See?" as I traced my finger up my rather stunningly lovely cheekbone.
"Oh, OK. Excuse me a moment sir."
After about 5 minutes - which I must say is a bit of a drag when you've got leprechaun length legs and you're balanced on a stool 2-3m above the floor - she returned with HIm. You know, the Official Gay Man in Cosmetics dude. But I wasn't buying.
"Nuh, uh. No way. No offense dude, but I didn't come here to have a guy reiterate what I already know. I'm here for the VIP stuff. The advance skin care secrets of women everywhere. You know, the stuff you won't tell us guys. Even us gay guys." At which point OGMiC gave me a perfect supermodel eyebrow smile, pivotted and walked away. As Lauder Lady called after him, he just sorta gave the über gay version of the royal wave and kept walking.
Lauder lady turned to me. And looked. And dropped her stare before I did. And at last got out her brushes.
...or not. ;)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:27 pm (UTC)Way fiercer than hers, anyway.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:41 pm (UTC)Eeeeeeevil.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:41 pm (UTC)And the fucked up part about that is that I'm serious; 'tis part of the Master Plan.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:45 pm (UTC)We are off to see the Rankin Family tomorrow night at Massey Hall.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:07 pm (UTC);-)
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 01:32 am (UTC)But at least I dyed my hair today...
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 02:41 pm (UTC)I was not impressed.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 05:59 pm (UTC)B: How did he keep from staining himself with the dye?
C: What the fuck!?!??
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 06:38 pm (UTC)B. It was a very small brush, like an applicator for eye shadow. Honestly, I didn't get too close.
C. Vanity, vanity, thy name is Gay Man.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 07:19 pm (UTC)I guess I can't blame you for not getting that close, and at the same time I can't help but think that "Dye Guy" has a damn sight more pertinence than I do.
Gotta admit though, the thing that sold me on dying my hair (head only...) was using a friend's mascara to darken my beard for a sketch we were filming*. I couldn't believe how how much better I looked (and in this case "better" = "younger").
_____
*I do a show with two of my friends for the Minneapolis public access t.v. station called "Channel Surfing Wipeout"
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 08:02 pm (UTC)Noticed you were from Moorehead. My grad school roommie was from Alexandria and went to college in Moorehead. Small world.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 01:16 am (UTC)My hair started graying when I was in my mid-30's, and I thought it was cooler than cool. Right now uncoloured it's sorta "blah". Salt & pepper" I could deal with, and am rather jeloous of my sister's boyfriend's pure while beard & hair.
Your ex-rommie isn't frstythesnowman, by any chance?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 08:34 pm (UTC)Something else I'm not making up
Date: 2007-02-02 07:23 pm (UTC)Re: Something else I'm not making up
Date: 2007-02-02 08:42 pm (UTC)that is damn well funny
Date: 2007-02-01 09:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 09:58 pm (UTC)Do you do the same routine on your supple man-ass?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 12:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 03:27 am (UTC)You're made of awesome. =)
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 05:01 am (UTC)I've thought about trying that... my local Shopper's Drug Mart has fairly regular sessions. I'll have to check on their policies. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 06:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 06:02 pm (UTC)