The fun is in the dag
May. 10th, 2005 02:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jawnbcOk time to discuss the deep dark underbelly of Eurovision: the dagginess. Truth be told, one can do surprisingly well--if they're so bad they're cute. In a sort of "we-are-so-advanced-compared-to-you-but-you-got=spunk-and-we-like-spunk" way.
Take last year: Albania enters for the first time, and they're so excited they select their singer and song 6 months before the contest (before Xmas). Their choice is their Pulp Idol, Anjeza Shahini. Of course she's got a mop of thick black hair, spots/zits (Clearsil costs a month's wages in Tirana, after all), and the requisite UniBrow™. And it that's not enough, apparently Albania TV doesn't have anyone who can read English...or French...very well. Because they've selected a song that 4.5 minutes long: you only get 3 minutes (a bit longer is OK). I wish I could find "before" photo that did her justice...
Anyway, deep down in that nearly 5 minutes of....ooooow my ears hurt.....is a pop song. So Albania hires some 5th rate Europop producer to chop it down (by speeding it up), writes a bizarre Englesque lyric ("how strange the feeling in your soul, when love invades your very being. Another me, or so I'm told, and life takes on another meaning"), and arranges it to a thump=thump-thump beat. Then they hire the best groomers Albania Lek can buy, which ain't much. This how Anjeza looked for the semi-final (qualifier) round this time last year:
And you thought your aunties burned all their polyster prom dresses back in the 70s? They apparently missed one, the pink one. There is is, shiniing like a $1 Xmas tree ornament, complete with backyard home perm. Anjeza can sing, even if she's not terribly...what's the word, can't be too mean...polished. Yeah, not terribly polished. But she finishes in the top 10 and will be in the final. Woot!
Time for a new look. And for some reason she decides that Eurovision is all about national pride. Not that she sang in her own language, or wore anthing that could be construed as an Albanian ethnic costume. But she's proud dammit, and she's come this far--this one's for Tirana! And maybe her cousins in servitude in Kosovo? So she decides to sing in a dress made from the official colours of Albania. Sadly, due to a poor economy, the government of Albania hasn't been able to re-brand themselves from the communist days, but one's flag is one's flag.
Red and Black. I'm not making this up, I couldn't. And now her hair's straightened, she got less makeup on, and she's going for it. "I know! It's Just! A Dre-eam! I feel! I love! This li-ife!"
7th place, out of 36 countries. Only one place below Sweden's been-working-it-and-trying-to-get-to-the-Eurovision-for-20-years dawdy diva Lena P.
However I fear this year we won't have any daggy-but-darling singers. Of those from whom we expect a tacky presentation, they're either too old (Andorra, and her robopop ice cold Dutch delivery), or a bloke (Slovenia, with his half-shaven chest). Belarus is a tempting bet, but she's stunningly beautiful if tone deaf--and she plays the "I am gorgeous, you want to root me, you will ignore please my singing" card well. Although this year's Ukrainian entry is 3 chubby rapper dudes, whose song was the anthem of the Orange Revolution.
Of course it's not all fun and games. A couple of queens run the annual Barbara Dex Award for the worst dressed entry. Will it be the Austrian chick in the dirdnl? The German, Russian, or Swiss rock chycks? Or maybe we should just hand it over to the four Norwegian faux glam rockers right now?
Nah that wouldn't be fair...it's a contest after all.
Take last year: Albania enters for the first time, and they're so excited they select their singer and song 6 months before the contest (before Xmas). Their choice is their Pulp Idol, Anjeza Shahini. Of course she's got a mop of thick black hair, spots/zits (Clearsil costs a month's wages in Tirana, after all), and the requisite UniBrow™. And it that's not enough, apparently Albania TV doesn't have anyone who can read English...or French...very well. Because they've selected a song that 4.5 minutes long: you only get 3 minutes (a bit longer is OK). I wish I could find "before" photo that did her justice...
Anyway, deep down in that nearly 5 minutes of....ooooow my ears hurt.....is a pop song. So Albania hires some 5th rate Europop producer to chop it down (by speeding it up), writes a bizarre Englesque lyric ("how strange the feeling in your soul, when love invades your very being. Another me, or so I'm told, and life takes on another meaning"), and arranges it to a thump=thump-thump beat. Then they hire the best groomers Albania Lek can buy, which ain't much. This how Anjeza looked for the semi-final (qualifier) round this time last year:
And you thought your aunties burned all their polyster prom dresses back in the 70s? They apparently missed one, the pink one. There is is, shiniing like a $1 Xmas tree ornament, complete with backyard home perm. Anjeza can sing, even if she's not terribly...what's the word, can't be too mean...polished. Yeah, not terribly polished. But she finishes in the top 10 and will be in the final. Woot!
Time for a new look. And for some reason she decides that Eurovision is all about national pride. Not that she sang in her own language, or wore anthing that could be construed as an Albanian ethnic costume. But she's proud dammit, and she's come this far--this one's for Tirana! And maybe her cousins in servitude in Kosovo? So she decides to sing in a dress made from the official colours of Albania. Sadly, due to a poor economy, the government of Albania hasn't been able to re-brand themselves from the communist days, but one's flag is one's flag.
Red and Black. I'm not making this up, I couldn't. And now her hair's straightened, she got less makeup on, and she's going for it. "I know! It's Just! A Dre-eam! I feel! I love! This li-ife!"
7th place, out of 36 countries. Only one place below Sweden's been-working-it-and-trying-to-get-to-the-Eurovision-for-20-years dawdy diva Lena P.
However I fear this year we won't have any daggy-but-darling singers. Of those from whom we expect a tacky presentation, they're either too old (Andorra, and her robopop ice cold Dutch delivery), or a bloke (Slovenia, with his half-shaven chest). Belarus is a tempting bet, but she's stunningly beautiful if tone deaf--and she plays the "I am gorgeous, you want to root me, you will ignore please my singing" card well. Although this year's Ukrainian entry is 3 chubby rapper dudes, whose song was the anthem of the Orange Revolution.
Of course it's not all fun and games. A couple of queens run the annual Barbara Dex Award for the worst dressed entry. Will it be the Austrian chick in the dirdnl? The German, Russian, or Swiss rock chycks? Or maybe we should just hand it over to the four Norwegian faux glam rockers right now?
Nah that wouldn't be fair...it's a contest after all.
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Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 07:38 am (UTC)I loved Albania's song and the girl. They got my televote (I voted for Andorra too, but because they sing in Catalan, hence the "only" 12 points they get from catalan spaniards, LOL).
I'm eager to see the contest this year. I haven't found how to celebrate the party altogether this year, since other years organiser, Miguel Angel (who is incidentally a music teacher), is going to be on vacation in Tenerife.
BTW, in Spain we are beggining to get BOMBED by our song "Brujeria", which, btw, has made feminists angry because it might sound like a woman's submission to a man. Go figure! However, I really liked the video!
Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 09:22 am (UTC)Give us Ramon, aching to be filled by you!
Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 09:24 am (UTC)Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 09:36 am (UTC)One of the greatest ESC songs ever! She's singing backing vocals for Andorra this year!
Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 09:52 am (UTC)Andorra
Date: 2005-05-10 10:08 am (UTC)Re: Andorra
Date: 2005-05-10 10:11 am (UTC)Re: Andorra
Date: 2005-05-10 10:38 am (UTC)Her diction sucks... And I've been a catalan teacher and I've had foreign pupils who could at least distinguish between a Z and an S.
Andorra should have sent my coworker, Julià (see the accent, that makes it masculine!) who is actually a cute bloke and a decent performer. But Andorra is a country with only some people's interests are taken in consideration (now i'm banned from that shitty country forever!)
Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 09:32 am (UTC)I wonder where's Ramon now... Most of the spanish eurovision singers have vanished... They say in Spain that eurovision is cursed and it's the fastest way to make someone disappear!
Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 10:12 am (UTC)Re: Oh Albania
Date: 2005-05-10 10:32 am (UTC)Rosa is on perpetual diet. I'm sure he only buys vegetables and fruits (and she might hide chocolate bars between her breasts). Ah, she fixed her teeth too!
Speaking about lost Eurovision contestants, I found Bachelli, Spain's representative in 1981 - He's actually the nephew of one of my late-grandma's neighbours. And his real name has nothing to see with Italy but I can't recall it. And about Spain's worst rating (0 in 1983) - Remedios Amaya, she was recycled into flamenco-fussion a couple of years ago and she's actually quite a decent performer. And Julio Iglesias (1970)? They say he's broke... Karina (1972) actually lives on the yellow press and constantly marries gay guys (with horrible taste, btw)...
I could relate many more... But I'm too ashamed of my own country
Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:34 am (UTC)Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:38 am (UTC)Ludwig apparently has a gaydar profile, in which he mentions singing in Eurovision!
Athena, I smell strong coffee and sweat and......
Ramon and Jonatan, ça ne marche pour moi. And James, dear, wears a rug. Without he looks like a trashed out Brighton boy living on nicotine and caffeine. the camera is very nice to him.
Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:49 am (UTC)Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:51 am (UTC)Selma with a cock
Date: 2005-05-10 10:54 am (UTC)I guess that phrase is not kosher on ESC fora?
Re: Selma with a cock
Date: 2005-05-10 11:05 am (UTC)Re: Selma with a cock
From:Re: Ramon
Date: 2005-05-10 10:50 am (UTC)Which ones are James, Ramon, and Ludwig? (I'm not very good with names, but I can usually bluff my way through until it's no longer important.)
2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:09 am (UTC)5. Julie - I'm convinced this giant from Malta has a massive cock.
4. Sakis - Hmm, I was hoping not to include him in my top 5 (he's just so... commonly chosen) but the man is beautiful. In an ancient Greek Olympian statue way. Can't sing, not much going on between the ears but when he puts his hand inside his waistband and shakes his hips...
3. Jonsi - I'm convinced he came directly from a porn movie. No non porn jaw can be that chiselled. Piercing Icelandic eyes, good shoulders, some nice fisting action... such a shame he fluffed it on the night...
2. Athena - Surprising but it all had to do with the shoulders. Yes I'm a freak; I have a mahor thing for shoulders. And Athena had the best shoulders in the contest. I almost creamed my pants when the jacket was taken off at the end of the first chorus. And two brothers sqautting and singing into one mike? Brilliant...
1. Zelko - Another surprise I'm sure. (I have unique tastes). His promo pictures did him no justice. When he walked onto the stage at the semi final (about 40 seconds into the song), resplendint in Johnny Logan white I fell in love. Great fisting action, intersting key change, nice facial hair... I watch the semi DVD on slow just to catch a glimpse of his chest when the ten winners emerge on stage at the end.
Honourable mentions : Final Four, Chris Doran's backing singers. Irisg rugby players? Yum...
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:12 am (UTC)Final Four can gang-bang me anytime. Poor Doran didn't know rule #1 about Eurovision: don't have backup singers that are better looking than you.
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:15 am (UTC)If you were I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:19 am (UTC)and hate me more!
Re: 2004 Top Totty
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Date: 2005-05-10 11:24 am (UTC)My first thought about Jonsi was "when are those video's he did gonna surface on the Internet?"
After the free for all, I'd still like to spend the night cuddling between Platin.
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:27 am (UTC)If Morgan Fairchild were gonna adopt an Eastern European it would've been Diana from Platin.
And if you've not been introduced properly, Michéal meet Steve. Steve meet Michéal. You're both homosexuals who are kind of interested in Eurovision. Play nice.
Re: 2004 Top Totty
Date: 2005-05-10 11:33 am (UTC)And who told you I was homosexual?
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