Senor Wences? S'alright, s'OK

[jawnbc]

A proctologist claims that these are actual comments made by his patients while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
5. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?”
6. “You know, in some states, we’re now legally married.”
7. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
8. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey....”
9. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
10.”If your hand doesn’t fit, you must aquit!”
11. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
12. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”

Comments

[bleppo.livejournal.com]

heehee!

Buggerific... *snorf*

[jawnbc]

please no snorting near my anus. Kind regards and best wishes for continued future success.

*runs away*

[shashin.livejournal.com]

Little, since it is so bad:

When I read the intro I thought, oh crap, more shitty jokes by some asshole. But damn! Doesn't stink at all and instead in mirth and merry they made my cheeks jiggle . (yes that last one was a stretch)

[jawnbc]

oooh you cheeky monkey

[god-boy.livejournal.com]

I once said to my doctor "Hey, this better mean you're buying me breakfast!"

Thank you... thank you very much... i'm here all week...

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

How come my doctor doesn't touch me there? My massage therapist did once.

[god-boy.livejournal.com]

I can give you his phone number... i get a commission

[jawnbc]

your doctor either very professional. Or blind. Or intimidated by your beauty.

Or a big ole bottom.

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

I don't mind in some ways, because I don't find my doctor attractive. But should he be putting his finger up my ass anyway, for some medical reason?

[jawnbc]

actually yeah. Prostate checks once a year or so are important, and if you're at all sexually active with your pooper shooter he should do a visual to check for STDs or abrasions etc. Some docs are now doing Pap smears to see if HPV in boy butts will lead to anal or rectal cancers (it's been somewhat linked to cervical cancer in women). FWIW.

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

Well, the last time I got fucked was on January 10 — of last year. It was really, really good though.

Maybe I'll ask my doc to take a look...

[jawnbc]

Rodney lives!

[unclemike.livejournal.com]

A couple of years ago I was at the doctor's, having that area probed, and, after the doctor was...um...in, he asks, "How are you" Are you feeling comfortable?"

And (I still can't believe I said this) I said, "I usually get flowers and dinner before this, but I'm okay. Thanks."

And he laughed. Thank god.

[jawnbc]

Now that you mention it, I have a similar story:

My GP was doing an annual work-up and wanted to check my prostate, so he directed me to drop trou and get on the table. He's been my GP since 1990 and so we've known one another for years. So I did.

Silence.

"Uh Jawn . . ."
"Yeah?"
"Not like that . . ."
"Huh? Oh right . . ."

I had got on my hands and knees, butt in the air, face on the pillow. So I flattened out, rolled onto my side and brought one leg up to my chest, facing away from him. Thankfully neither one of us giggled unto after the examination.

talkin bout my doctah

[wolfbear.livejournal.com]

I'm dating a doctor who likes touching me *there* and, lucky lucky me, he brings flowers, too.

Re: talkin bout my doctah

[jawnbc]

Does he use the speculum? Or just 4 fingers?

Re: talkin bout my doctah

[wolfbear.livejournal.com]

His tongue, mostly, or his thick fingers.

one very great reason why it's great NOT to have a prostate

[kosseferal.livejournal.com]

These were great.


But, I have to say, it's nice when the only people who've been in there are people I invited from a feeling of passion, not necessity.

Re: one very great reason why it's great NOT to have a prostate

[jawnbc]

I agree. Then again, it's fun when someone's been invited but they act like they're not.

*tingles*

Re: one very great reason why it's great NOT to have a prostate

[nutmeggie.livejournal.com]

My god, are you trying to get me going? *tingles twice as much*

I think I'll call my husband now.

[minimac.livejournal.com]

That was my chuckle for the evening!

[jawnbc]

excellent. Now go tell yer gurl to back that thang up!

[minimac.livejournal.com]

Well, I do declare!
*LOL*

[cachondo.livejournal.com]

When I was studying biochemistry at Santa Barbara in 1989 I worked at the Ventura County Medical Center, where every 7-8 weeks or so this poor chap named Dr Finger would rotate in his residency through the Proctology Clinic. I still giggle with glee reminiscing about the occasional PA announcement blaring "Dr Finger to the Procto Clinic, Dr FInger to the Procto Clinic." Hee hee.

Prostate exams

[darkphuque.livejournal.com]

I was with Kaiser Permanente for 14 years and had two GP's in that time.

When the first on suggested a prostate exam I smiled and asked to do it at the next visit.
He asked "why?" and I said..."So I can bring my poppers" He laughed heartily.

The second GP was a bit more conservative. When he said I needed a prostate exam, and he that could do it now...
I responded he'd better strap a board to his arm...he didn't get it...Oh well...